


Little Bit of Inertia, Little Bit of Momentum

by juice817



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 00:35:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 22,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6543247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juice817/pseuds/juice817
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen has been avoiding his former best friend Jared for nearly ten years, but with their moms being best friends too, it couldn't last forever. When Jensen is roped into a summer in the woods, he learns that things were maybe not what he'd thought way back when. And that maybe you really can go home again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2009 for the spn_big_bang challenge. 
> 
> Note from original post:  
> I should note that I've adjusted their ages a bit. *g* They're the same age, their brothers about two years older and their sisters two younger. Give or take.

Jensen remembers in vivid, Technicolor detail the first time he met Jared. He remembers the temper tantrum he threw when he learned that they were not going to Disneyland for their summer vacation but were instead going to spend a month in some stupid cabin in the stupid mountains owned by his mother's stupid college roommate and her stupid husband.

He remembers the long drive to the Ozarks, remembers not saying a single word the entire time. He remembers how shaky his legs had felt when they finally arrived and he moved for the first time in hours. He remembers how big the cabin had looked - more like a real house than he had expected - and remembers the way the sunlight filtered through the leaves. He remembers how incredibly _green_ everything was, how fresh and alive it smelled. He remembers glaring at his mother as she tried to introduce him to her friend. He remembers the way Mrs. P had laughed softly, can still hear her voice telling him what a handsome boy he was. Can still hear her say, "And this is my son, Jared."

Jared's dimples had flashed in a shy smile as his mother had dragged him to stand in front of her, facing Jensen. Her hands had squeezed Jared's shoulders, and Jared's eyes had peered out at him through a mop of shaggy, too-long brown hair. "I can show you the lake," he had said softly.

Jensen remembers thinking that a stupid lake was NOT Disneyland, not even close, but Jared had obviously expected Jensen to shoot him down. He remembers wanting to get away from his mother, away from the car. He remembers being curious despite himself. He remembers saying, "Sure, okay," remembers the surprise, the unadulterated _joy_ in Jared's face at Jensen's acceptance of his offer.

~*~*~*~

Jensen really wasn't too sure about this fishing thing, and he was glad it was Jeff and Josh doing it, not him. He flinched and looked away from where Jared's dad was showing the older boys how to bait their hooks.

"It doesn't hurt them," Jared said softly, but he was grinning at Jensen like he thought it was funny that Jensen had flinched.

"How do you know?" Jensen asked. He glared at Jared, but couldn't keep it up when Jared just kept grinning at him. Jensen sniffed and returned to digging in the dirt. "I can hear them screaming, Jared."

"You can't either," Jared said confidently, but Jensen couldn't stop the smile that crept over his face as Jared looked over at his dad with a worried expression.

"I can too. I have _super hearing_. They're screaming _No, please stop, it hurts_!" Jensen tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help it, and Jared turned back in a rush to glare at him.

"You don't either. You are _not_ Superman." Jared picked up a handful of dirt and threw it at Jensen.

Jensen laughed again. "Nope. I'm Batman."

Jared rolled his eyes and picked up G.I. Joe to throw at him next. "You're stupid."

" _You're_ stupid." Jensen kept digging, making a trench-like hole several inches long and several inches deep.

Jared watched him dig, both of them silent, and then he said softly, "If you're Batman, that means I'm Robin."

"Yep." Jensen flashed him a grin, and Jared bent to help dig.

~*~*~*~

What Jensen doesn't remember is when he fell in love with Jared.

He never even realized he was, but at some point his feelings had changed, grown, deepened. It probably wasn't that first summer. Who falls in love with another boy when they're both eight years old?

It probably wasn't the next few summers either, when the success of that first trip spawned a tradition, and every July the Ackles family packed up and met the Padaleckis at that cabin in the woods, and Jensen and Jared were inseparable for the next thirty days. The only thing they really had in common was the fact that they were middle kids. And try as he might, Jensen cannot remember actually meeting Jeff, ever, or Megan either, or even Jared's dad. They were always just _there_.

~*~*~*~

"Jensen!" Jared was already scrambling up from his seat on the porch steps when Jensen's dad pulled up to the cabin. He was nearly dancing in place, waiting for the car to stop and for Jensen to tumble out of the back seat. Jared nearly knocked Jensen over, running straight into him and pulling him into a tight hug. "I missed you! Why can't you be at my school?"

Jensen stiffened in Jared's arms. "Jared, boys don't _hug_. Let go!"

Jared just hugged Jensen even harder, but when Jensen didn't hug him in return he finally let go. He took a step back and blew his bangs out of his eyes. "Dad hugs me."

"He's a _dad_ , he doesn't count."

"Whatever, that's stupid. He's still a _boy_." Jared grabbed Jensen's arm and tugged, and the boys ran off into the woods toward the lake. Once they cleared the trees, Jared stopped and put his hands on his hips. "I've seen boys hug before. When they're friends."

"I haven't. Only girls hug."

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why can't boys hug?" Jared looked at Jensen expectantly, waiting for an answer, but Jensen didn't really know. When Jensen finally shrugged, Jared grinned triumphantly. "See? It's stupid. I mean, I wouldn't hug Troy at school, he's mean and he smells funny. But you're my friend, Jensen. And I haven't seen you all _year_. I wish you went to my school." Jared heaved a big sigh and kicked at the ground.

Jensen looked around to make sure Josh wasn't there to see, then he reached for Jared and gave him a tentative hug. He'd only meant to make Jared feel better, so he was surprised to realize it made _him_ feel better too. "Sometimes I wish I went to your school, too. Or you went to mine."

By the end of the month, Jensen was used to having Jared's arms around him and didn't even care if Josh could see.

~*~*~*~

Jensen was confident and strong, coordinated and level-headed, popular at school. Jared was awkward and shy, unable to control either his long limbs or rampant thoughts. His mind raced so fast his mouth couldn't keep up, although it tried, and the kids at his school mocked him for it and never understood him. Jared made Jensen _think_ , and Jensen helped Jared learn to slow down.

~*~*~*~

"Jared, wait up! You're going to get us lost!" Jensen stumbled over a protruding root as he ran through the trees, trying to catch Jared, and barely managed to keep his feet under him. "Stop, you moron!"

"We won't get lost. You just can't keep up." Jared's voice floated back to him, filled with laughter, and Jensen couldn't stop a smile from curving his lips even as he rolled his eyes.

"I can so keep up," Jensen yelled, "I just don't want to get lost! Just because you've been here more than me doesn't mean you know everything." He gave up and slowed to a comfortable walk. After a minute or so, Jared wandered back to find him, elbowing him as they fell into step together. "It's not a race, Jay, we don't have to run."

"I like running," Jared said simply, but he didn't take off again, seemingly content to stay with Jensen. It wasn't long before Jared was pointing out birds and trees and once, a small furry animal that ran away as soon as it saw them. Jensen let him ramble until Jared smirked and said, "See? I totally know everything."

"Oh, shut up, you don't even." Jensen laughed and shoved Jared lightly as they kept walking.

"Someday I will," Jared said absently, looking up through the trees. "Someday I'll have a job in the forest and never have to leave. You'll have to hike for hours to come visit me."

Jensen shook his head. "I just won't visit. _You_ 'll have to leave your cave to come visit _me_."

Jared frowned, thinking. "Maybe you'll have to live in the forest with me."

"Dude, I'm not going to live in the forest. You don't even have Nintendo up here!"

"Nintendo is lame," Jared muttered, blowing his bangs out of his eyes with a huff.

"You're just saying that because you don't have one."

"I have one at home," Jared said indignantly. "We could totally bring it up here if we wanted."

Jensen snorted. "You don't even have a TV here."

"But we could! There's electricity. It's just there's so much other stuff to do here, we don't need it."

They kept arguing as they walked, moving from video games to sports to school to everything else, until finally Jensen's stomach growled hard enough that even Jared heard it and laughed. Looking around, Jensen realized it was a lot darker than it had been when they'd started walking. "I'm hungry, man, we should go back to the cabin."

Jared looked around, steps slowing gradually until he came to a full stop. "Yeah," he finally said slowly, "yeah, we should."

Jensen stopped and looked at him. "You got us lost."

"We're not lost!" Jared said immediately, a little too emphatically. "And it's not my fault!"

"Where are we, then? Which way do we go to get back?"

Jared looked down at his feet. "I'm not sure."

Jensen huffed a breath. "That's what lost means, Jared. We're _lost_. In the _forest_. And no one knows where we are."

"We'll find the way back, Jen, come on."

"It's almost dark, Jay. We've been walking for hours, we'll never get back before night."

Jared peered up at Jensen through his bangs. "What are we gonna do?"

Jensen put his hands on his hips and looked around thoughtfully. "They said on TV that if you get lost, you should stay where you are so people can find you. So I think we should find a good spot to wait." Jensen noticed Jared's lip trembling and put his arm around Jared's shoulder. Jared immediately wrapped himself around Jensen and clung. "It's okay, Jay, they'll find us. Maybe not until morning, though, but we'll be okay."

"Don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad, I promise." Jensen squeezed Jared once before pushing him back a little. "But we gotta find a spot to hole up until they find us. You're the tree boy, you gotta help."

Jared rolled his eyes. "I'm not a tree boy."

"You are too. You said you want to live in the forest."

"When I'm _older_ , stupid." But Jared grinned and started looking around too.

It was Jensen who found a likely spot nearby, though, a shallow cave that wasn't so deep something might be hiding in it, but deep enough to protect them from the elements. They hadn't planned to really hike - it was just supposed to be a walk in the woods - so they didn't have blankets or supplies, but Jared found flint and gathered twigs and dried out plants into a small pile so he could try to make a fire. It took a lot longer than Jensen thought it should, and Jared was clearly frustrated by the time he finally got a spark to catch. He bent and blew on it carefully, lips pursed in an exaggerated O that should have made Jensen laugh but instead made butterflies swirl in his stomach.

"Stay here," he said abruptly. He stood and turned toward the cave opening. "I'll go find more wood. You just keep it burning."

It didn't take long for the butterflies to go away, but Jensen stayed out of the cave gathering twigs and larger sticks until he started shivering in the rapidly cooling air.

He was glad he'd stayed close to the cave so he wouldn't have to find it again when he was ready to go back. Carrying his armload into the cave, he smiled at Jared's look of relief. The fire was still going strong and they were together. They were going to be fine.

Jensen woke up the next morning when he heard Jeff yelling Jared's name, followed by Josh yelling his own name immediately after. He was pressed to Jared's back, arms around him and their legs tangled together. His back was cold because the fire had gone out during the night; that was totally why he shivered against Jared's warmth. But he couldn't quite explain to himself why he nuzzled his nose into the back of Jared's neck and inhaled slowly before finally shaking Jared awake.

Josh and Jeff told them how stupid they were all the way back to the cabin. Their dads hugged them tightly but didn't say a word, which was somehow even worse. And then, when they finally reached the cabin, their moms were both crying. That was the worst thing ever. Jensen felt his own eyes burn as his mom held him close. Jared was wrapped up in his own mother's arms, but Jensen could hear her scolding him clearly.

"You're only twelve, Jared! Just because you love the trees and you're the best scout in your troop doesn't mean you're ready for an overnight hike without a grown-up! Weren't you scared, Jared? Because I was! I had no idea where you were or if I would ever even see you again!"

"I wasn't scared, Mom. I was with Jensen."

~*~*~*~

Jensen’s first inkling that things were changing had been the anger he'd felt when Jared mentioned other friends, his instant hatred of Jared's first girlfriend, a cute little brunette from school named Taylor. He'd known it was ridiculous and that he should be pleased for Jared, and he'd faked it pretty well, but Jared knew him better than that and had stopped talking about those other people, and things went back to the way they were supposed to be at the cabin. Just Jensen and just Jared.

When Jensen realized he was attracted to Jared, realized that the rush in his stomach when he pictured Jared's dimples meant he _wanted_ him, he felt equal amounts of fear and excitement and curiosity. But Jared had never given any indication that the attraction was returned, that Jensen was anything more than his best friend at the cabin, so Jensen had just ignored it the best he could, told himself it was just physical, and so what if he jerked off more during the summer than the rest of the year?

~*~*~*~

Jensen grinned at Jared as he pulled up to the cabin, feeling unbelievably smug at finally making the drive himself. Jared laughed as he unfolded himself from his perch on the porch steps and ambled toward the car, managing to time it so he reached the car just as Jensen climbed out. He pulled Jensen into a hard hug, and Jensen shivered and hugged him back and wished he didn't want to _feel_ Jared everywhere. Because, god, _awkward_.

"Awesome wheels, dude." Jared's voice still filled with laughter, and Jensen pulled free and slugged him lightly in the stomach.

"Shut up, it runs."

"It better run, because it seriously doesn't have anything else going for it. Did you find a junk yard that paid you to take it off their hands?" Jared's arm was still hanging over Jensen's shoulders and they were almost the same height now. Jared just might end up taller than him. Another couple of inches and Jensen would fit perfectly in the curve of Jared's shoulder. Jensen shook off the thought and Jared's arm in the same motion.

"Fuck you, I'm still working on her. I thought the engine should come first."

"Her? Awww, Jen, you have a girlfriend. I always knew you went for inner beauty." Jared laughed again, but he reached out to run a hand over the hood of the car.

Jensen resisted the urge to tell Jared he'd never have a girlfriend, or that he'd let Jared be his girlfriend, or something equally stupid. He didn't know how Jared would react and refused to risk it. "At least I have a way around, man. And she'll be awesome when I'm done with her."

Jared swung his arm around Jensen's shoulder again and tugged him toward the cabin. "I'd still rather have the real thing, you know? Nothing is quite like a girl in your arms. They always smell so good..."

Jensen tuned Jared out so he could breathe him in, could concentrate on the way _Jared_ smelled and the way he felt, and fought to keep a smile on his face.

He would swear he could still smell Jared, still feel the warmth of that long lanky body pressed against him that night when he was alone in bed and jerking off.

~*~*~*~

And then one summer, Jared wasn't there. Jared was with his girlfriend's family at some beach instead. A girlfriend that Jensen had never even heard of. Jensen spent the month feeling like he'd been gut punched.

Mrs. P had whispered excitedly to Donna that she thought this Sandy was _The One_ , and Jensen couldn't fucking _breathe_. Jensen stayed in his room reading while everyone else went hiking and waterskiing. He tuned out the stories of Mackenzie's boyfriend's waterboard tricks and Jeff's fiancée learning to drive the boat, ignored Megan's attempts to talk him into his favorite hike and the sympathetic smiles from Josh’s wife Allie.

The trees weren't as green and the sun didn't seem to reach through the branches the way it used to, and Jensen still didn't realize what the problem really was, not for months. Not until he stumbled into his dorm room after a brutal chemistry test a few days before Thanksgiving to find a fancy looking envelope in the stack of mail his roommate had dropped on the table, his name in swirling calligraphy on the front and a discreet label with the Padalecki's address on the back. It looked like a wedding invitation, and it literally sent Jensen to his knees.

Jared was getting married, and he would never be just Jensen's again.

Jensen stayed on his knees, wheezing, for a really long time, and when he finally struggled to his feet, he chucked the unopened envelope directly into the garbage can. He grabbed his keys and headed for his favorite bar despite the fact that it wasn't even three o'clock in the afternoon. He started drinking immediately and never could remember what exactly happened that night, but he woke up tangled around a guy who wasn't quite as tall as Jared, whose shaggy brown hair didn't quite have a mind of its own, whose dimples weren't quite as deep, with the sure knowledge that he was in love with Jared, would love Jared for the rest of his life, and would never have the chance to be with him.

So Jensen became a fucking _master_ at avoiding talk about any Padalecki, at changing the subject when someone else tried and at finding reasons why he just couldn't take a month off in the middle of summer to go to that cabin in the woods even though the rest of his family went without him. When he finally graduated he learned before he could stop his mom that Jared had his geology degree and had been hired by the U.S. Forest Service. When Josh’s son Logan was born, he heard his mom say she never would have thought Sharon would be a grandma first but she was finally catching up before he excused himself.

He dated a lot but never seriously. He'd thought coming out to his parents would mean his mom would stop nagging him to settle down with a nice girl. It did, for just long enough for Donna to adjust to the knowledge that he'd never give her grandchildren, and then she was on him to find a nice young man and stop playing around. Jensen didn't bother telling her that the only young man that would make him stop playing around was already taken, and if the men he dated were all tall and vaguely unkempt, well. Most people had a type, right?

It worked for almost ten years.


	2. Part Two

The phone was ringing as Jensen fumbled with his keys, and he swore as he dropped them. He wasn't sure why he was so anxious - nine times in ten he looked at the caller ID and just let it go to voice mail anyway, but something about the phone ringing and not being able to _see who it was_ and decide for himself whether or not to answer just grated on his nerves.

He finally managed to get the door open and grabbed the phone, hitting the talk button just before it flipped over to voice mail. That was the only reason he took the call - if he'd had the chance to see who it was first, he never would have answered it.

"Dr. Ackles."

"Oh my goodness, Jensen, you sound so grown up! I have _missed_ hearing your voice, sweetheart. How are you doing?"

Jensen dropped his briefcase, coat and keys and nearly dropped the phone, vaguely surprised to find his knees were still holding him up. "Mrs. P."

"Yes!" Her laughter was light and full of life, and he suddenly missed her so much he couldn't breathe. He'd been so focused on Not Thinking About Jared that he hadn't really let himself think about how much Jared's family had meant to him and what it meant to have cut them out of his life as well. He couldn't hear her actual words over the roaring in his ears, but he could hear her voice. Until she said, "Katie promised."

"What?" That jerked Jensen right back into the here-and-now. Surely she didn't mean...

"Your Katie. Katie Cassidy, your office assistant? Or is she a nurse? You know, she never said exactly what her official title was, just that she's the one who runs your life for you since you do such a, and I quote, _craptastic job of it_."

Yeah, that was Katie. Jensen rubbed a hand over his face and had to laugh. "She totally runs my life, but only at work. She's the office manager, and I'd be lost without her. I'm sorry, Mrs. P, I missed something. What did Katie promise?" And why in god's name was Mrs. P calling Katie? That was a nightmare waiting to happen, and Jensen braced himself.

She laughed again, fond and exasperated. "I sort of thought you'd be a better listener without Jared's voice in your other ear all the time. She promised that you're free to come to the cabin, of course. No conferences, no extra training, no unavoidable patients, nothing. I've been talking to her off and on for a couple of weeks now, actually, just to make sure that we have you booked for _us_ this year." Her voice softened and became more firm all at once, and Jensen wondered absently how she managed it while he tried to remember how to breathe. "It's long past time for you to come back, Jensen. It's time for you to meet the next generation. It's time you came home."

Suddenly Jensen's mind was filled with visions of quiet awkward boys with ridiculous hair and bouncing little girls with Jared's dimples, and he sucked in a hard breath. "I don't know - "

"Don't argue with me, Jensen. You won't win." Her stern tone became mischievous as she added, "Josh and Jeff have agreed to hog-tie you and bring you up by force if necessary. So you're coming - it's up to you how you get there. Under your own power or in the back of Jeffrey's truck."

~*~*~*~

"You know, you do actually work for _me_." Jensen folded his arms and leaned a shoulder on the door frame of Katie's office, raising an eyebrow at her as she looked up at him questioningly. "Not for my family, and certainly not for Mrs. P."

She sat back and cocked her head with a cheeky smile. "I _am_ working for you, Jensen. I am taking care of you in spite of yourself. You need a vacation."

"I can take care of myself, thank you very much, and if I decide I need a vacation, I'll take one."

"Jensen, you need a vacation. Everyone else takes one once in awhile, but you haven't taken a day since I started working here."

"I'm _fine_. I actually _enjoy_ my job, and I don't want to take a month off to go to the mountains."

"But you work all the time, you don't have a _life_. Jen, c'mon - "

"Whatever, I totally have a life. You don't know everything about me. I've worked hard to build my practice and to create the life I want to live, and I really don't appreciate you trying to interfere. Even if you do have my best interests at heart."

Katie studied Jensen's face for several seconds, then stood. She rounded the desk and came to a stop in front of him. Reaching up, she cupped his face. "Jensen, you're _tired_. I can see it in your face. And your eyes - you aren't happy. How can you say you're living the life you want to live when you aren't happy?"

Jensen curled his fingers around her wrist and gently, but firmly, lowered her hand. "I'm fine. If it'll get you off my back, I promise to consider a vacation. I'll take a cruise, or go to Disneyland, or just go sit on a fucking beach for a week. But not a month, not this summer. Not that cabin."

"She sounded pretty determined." Katie's smile was tentative, and Jensen sighed but returned it, and Katie relaxed when she saw his lips curve.

"She usually is. It's not an easy thing, standing up to her. But that wouldn't be a vacation, Katie, not for me. And next time, let me run my own life. If something like this comes up again, tell them to talk to me directly. Please?"

"Sure, Jen." She waited until he straightened and turned away, then stopped him with a hand on his arm. "But there's something else going on here."

There was no doubt in her voice. He shook his head. "No, Katie, there really isn't."

And really - that was the problem in a nutshell. There was _nothing_ , never had been, and he'd had no idea he'd wanted _something_ until it was too late.

~*~*~*~

He should have known that wouldn't be the end of it. If he'd checked his schedule at all, he'd have noticed the vast emptiness of his calendar for July, but it never even occurred to him to look because he'd trusted Katie, dammit, trusted her to let it go and back off. Then again, it may have already been too late by the time he'd spoken to her. She'd probably spoken to his partners about taking his regular patients as soon as she'd hung up with Mrs. P. He'd covered for them on their vacations before, so it wouldn't be unusual. And it was pretty rare for a medical emergency to require a chiropractor. He was ultimately expendable.

Jensen sighed and tugged at his wrists again. He should have known Mrs. P wasn't joking, either. It never occurred to him that his brother and Jeff would actually tie him up, although it should have. Josh never could turn down a prank. They'd been absolutely fucking gleeful about it, too. Jensen growled under his breath. The fuckers were still about twelve years old, emotionally, and they always seemed to regress even more whenever they got together, especially when they had the chance to gang up on him and Jared. He tried to be grateful that they hadn't actually hog-tied him, but it was difficult when it seemed Jeff was aiming for every single bump and pothole in the road. Jensen thought sourly that it would serve them right if there was an accident and he died because he didn't have a seat belt, didn't even have his hands free to brace himself. He was at the mercy of every twist and turn in the road.

His mother had serenely packed his bag, ignoring Jeff and Josh as they'd cornered him. He'd seen the laughter she was fighting to bite back in the twitch of her lips as Jeff had hoisted him up over one shoulder once his wrists and ankles were securely bound. "Don't even give me that look, Jensen Ross," Donna had said without even glancing his way. "Sherri warned you fair and square, gave you a choice, but you had to be stubborn."

"For god's sake, Mom, I'm not twelve anymore! I'm not required to go on family vacation with you."

At that she had turned and folded her arms, met his death glare with a stern look of her own. "Are you ready to tell me why you refuse to go, why you won't let anyone even mention the Padaleckis around you? Jensen, it used to be a fight to separate you from Jared every year, but you haven't even talked to him in almost a decade!"

"Why does everyone think something happened? Nothing happened! I just grew up and got a life. I don't really have the time or the interest to go play in the dirt with some scrawny little kid." Jensen's voice had been rough and almost breathless from the hard press of Jeff's shoulder against his stomach. "This is completely ridiculous."

"And that right there is solid proof he hasn't seen Jared in years," Jeff had laughed. Josh had grinned, Donna had sighed, and Jensen had rolled his eyes and relaxed his body, flopping over Jeff's shoulder. His stomach and back wouldn't have let him stay upright enough to see his mom much longer, and he had been angry enough not to want to see her anyway.

Donna had moved closer, sitting on the bed so she could see Jensen's face again as she stroked one hand through his hair. "Baby, if nothing had happened, you wouldn't be so upset about going back."

Jensen may have winced a little at the truth of those words, but he still shook his head. _No_. "Nothing happened," he'd insisted, and she'd sighed again.

"Fine. God save me from stubborn children." She'd stood and gone into the bathroom, returning with Jensen's shaving kit and toothbrush. "Take him down and get him settled, boys. I'll have his bag done in a minute and then you can go."

They'd grinned at him with identically manic expressions as they'd settled him in the bed of Jeff's truck. They'd put a narrow foam pad down, intended, he assumed, to make him more comfortable, before laying him flat and snapping the black plastic cover shut, preventing him from sitting up. It also protected him from the wind and kept him from flying out along the way. Maybe someday he'd even be grateful.

~*~*~*~

Jensen must have dozed off - it's not like there was anything to do, to keep his mind occupied. Katie was right about his being tired, even if she was wrong about everything else. One minute he'd been staring at the black cover from the inside, planning to never speak to his brother again, to say nothing of Jeff fucking Padalecki, and the next thing he knew he was blinking up at sun-dappled trees as a voice rumbled from somewhere off to his left. "Jensen fucking Ackles. Starting to think I'd never see you again, asshole."

He turned his head and barely kept his jaw from dropping. It was Jared, of course. Jensen would recognize that grin and those eyes anywhere, despite the beard - god, he had a _full beard_ , mustache and everything, his teeth flashing white in contrast to all that dark hair - but the stupid kid was even broader now, having grown into the promise of his long legs and filled out to the point that it was almost ridiculous. Except for how it was so insanely hot that Jensen wasn't sure he could even speak. Jared's elbows were braced on the side of the truck, his muscles bulging. Jensen's eyes lingered on the biceps he knew he wouldn't be able to get his hand all the way around before his gaze rose and met Jared's. "Dude, you're a fucking _tree_. What the hell happened?"

Jared threw his head back and laughed, and god, Jensen had _missed_ that sound. "Me strong woodsman," Jared grunted, and now it was Jensen laughing. "Let me help you with those," Jared continued, and it actually took Jensen a few seconds to realize that Jared meant the ropes still tied snugly around both wrists and ankles. But instead of helping, Jared moved to the end of the truck and lowered the tailgate before he hoisted himself up and grabbed Jensen's feet.

"If you'd done my hands, I could have done my feet myself," Jensen said, raising an eyebrow.

Jared just smiled without looking up, fingers working nimbly to free the knots between Jensen's ankles. After freeing Jensen's feet, Jared wrapped those long fingers around the reddened skin left behind, fingertips dipping briefly between the canvas slip-ons and the side of Jensen's foot. "I'ma kill Jeff," he murmured. Then he looked up and met Jensen's eyes. The flash of _something_ raw Jensen saw made him suck in a sharp breath, and then it was gone and it was just Jared again, leaving Jensen to wonder if he'd imagined that look. "Or maybe not. But only because he got you back up here again." Jared ducked his head and busied himself freeing Jensen's hands. "I missed you, Jen."

Jensen clenched his jaw and braced himself. He could do this. He had no choice. He opened his mouth to ask about Jared's wife, but was interrupted by Mac and Megan bursting out of the cabin. Megan screeched his name and jumped up into the truck with him, nearly strangling him in a hug, and Jensen was unnerved by the relief he felt at the delay. Until he met the mystery woman, he could still pretend... something. Pretend that _had_ been heat he'd seen in Jared's eyes.

Mac tugged Jensen free of Megan so she could maul him herself, and Jensen clung a little tighter than strictly necessary. He refused to be that guy, wouldn't be the one who tried to edge into someone else's relationship. But for a moment, there, he'd wanted to be.

The girls were followed shortly by Mrs. P herself, and she held him so tightly he almost thought there'd be bruises. By the time he freed himself and climbed out of the truck, Jared had vanished. He wasn't sure whether he should be relieved or irritated. He smiled and grabbed his bag out of the cab of the truck and followed the girls - young and older - into the cabin. He soon found himself at the kitchen table being fed and catching up and literally feeling as though he'd never left. Mrs. P was right to call this home - the cabin was home to his heart in a way nowhere else ever had been, not even the house he'd grown up in. He was laughing helplessly at something Mrs. P had said when Megan came into room carrying a toddler who took one look at Jensen and grinned. He had four teeth and floppy, ridiculous hair and -

"He has Jared's dimples," Jensen said, not even aware he'd said it out loud until Megan laughed ruefully.

"Don't tell his father that. Jesse already bitches all the time about the dominant Padalecki genes."

"Jesse?" Jensen's throat felt tight and he was confused. This had to be Jared's son, he looked exactly like Jared had at that age. Jensen had seen pictures, and he knew Jared's face better than he knew his own.

"My husband, Jensen." She rolled her eyes and smiled at him, but her eyes were slightly hurt. "Your mom said you'd had tests you couldn't reschedule, but I know I sent you an invitation."

"No, you did," Jensen hurried to assure her, although he had no memory of an invitation from Megan. He hadn't even known she was married, and that was his own fault, of course, but still. "No, it's just - Meg, he looks just like Jared."

"A fact Jared is ridiculously gleeful about," Mrs. P said disapprovingly. "He teases Jesse mercilessly." She laughed as the little boy almost dove out of Megan's arms, clearly expecting Jensen to catch him. Which Jensen did, of course, even if he wanted nothing more than to back away. The boy patted Jensen's face and grinned up at him, and Jensen's heart turned over.

"You're sure he's not Jared's?" Jensen managed a smile and a teasing tone, then laughed at Megan's gagging noises.

"Absolutely sure. Jensen, meet David. Son of _Jesse_." She snorted.

Jensen laughed. "How very Old Testament of you."

Megan grinned, and Jensen realized she had Jared's dimples too. Not as deep, but definitely there. "I know. And he's definitely king of our household. He keeps his sisters running."

"And you and Jesse too, I expect," Jensen said, barely managing not to gape. _Sisters?_ How long had Megan been married? And what else had he missed in his determination not to think about Jared? He had to talk to his mom as soon as she arrived. She would make him feel stupid, he knew, but not as ridiculous as Josh would. Plus, Mom wouldn't tell anyone he'd had to ask. She'd just smirk at him for the rest of his life, but he could live with that.

"Mini me!" Jensen and David both looked up at that, and David matched Jared's wide grin with one of his own. He garbled something that could have been _Uncle Jared_ and scrambled off Jensen's lap so fast he almost fell. Jensen grabbed his arm and helped him to the floor, and then he was running at Jared, smacking into Jared's legs with enough force that _Jensen_ winced. Jared laughed and swung David up into his arms, then spun in a circle.

"Jared, I have _told_ you not to call him that!" Megan growled, but Jared just bent to kiss her cheek. She wrinkled her nose and rubbed at her face. "Ugh. When are you going to shave that ridiculous thing off? It's scratchy."

"Oh, I don't know," Jared said. He shot Jensen a look that Jensen couldn't begin to understand and then looked back at Megan with a grin. "It's not that bad. I kinda like it."

She rolled her eyes, and Mrs. P choked back a laugh. "Then that wasn't you nearly scratching it raw yesterday," she asked, and Jared flushed but laughed too.

"Of course not, Mom. That must have been someone else."

"Right," Mrs. P said and laughed again. "Well, take your not-scratchy beard and get out of my kitchen. I'll never get dinner ready if you're in here picking at everything. Why don't you and David show Jensen your tent?"

Jared winced. "Mom. It's not a tent. It's a tipi."

She waved a hand dismissively, but her eyes were dancing. "Which is a specific kind of conical _tent_ frequently used by Native Americans."

Jared groaned and Jensen started laughing. "Save me from educated women. I get no respect from you people," Jared complained. He turned his mouth down in an exaggerated frown but winked at Jensen. "C'mon, baby, let's take Jensen outside, away from Mean Gramma."

Mrs. P forced a growl out over the laughter Jensen could see in her face, and flapped her hands at them in shooing motions. "Out. Out! Or I'll show you _mean_ , JT."

~*~*~*~

David kept up a running stream of babble as they traipsed through the trees. It was incomprehensible to Jensen but Jared was listening intently, saving Jensen from having to think of something to say. He honestly had no idea what to think and was afraid of what might end up coming out of his mouth if he opened it. No one had mentioned Jared's wife yet, and he hadn't seen any unfamiliar women around. Then again not everyone was here yet, and she might be driving out with Josh's wife and the rest of the Ackles family. It was also entirely possible that Jared was divorced now, but him being divorced didn't mean Jensen had any more of a chance at something with Jared than he'd had nearly a decade before. Which was to say, zero.

Jensen was thinking so hard that he completely didn't notice the tipi until they were practically on top of it. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to miss the damn thing – it rose majestically through the trees, a tall, off-white cone that should have felt intrusive in the midst of such quiet nature, but didn't. It _fit_. David bounced even more excitedly in Jared's arms and the babbling became recognizable. "Teeeeee peeeeee," David squealed over and over until Jared laughed and put him down.

"Be careful, baby," he said, following the toddler closely. He was bent awkwardly, one huge hand reaching out to catch David if he tripped, and Jensen had to smile. Jared was in his element here, just like this – in the forest he loved, keeping watch over someone he adored. The ache in Jensen's heart intensified. That adoration had been his, once, and Jensen couldn't help but envy David.

Jensen forced the longing back down and took a deep breath, following a few paces behind as the other two finally reached the massive tipi. It was even bigger up close, and Jensen's eyes widened as he looked up and up and _up_ , trying to see the top. Jared laughed. "It was a _bitch_ getting it tall enough that I could stand up inside," he said, and Jensen looked back down to see Jared's wide grin.

"That's what you get for eating your vegetables, Sasquatch." Jensen smirked, and then they both snickered when David clapped his hands and chirped, "Bitch, bitch, bitch."

"God, I hope he doesn't say that around Megan," Jared muttered, reaching to pull aside some of the strong fabric that formed the walls of the tipi, creating a door. "I heard about it for three months when he went home yelling _shit_ at everything."

"Well, she said it herself not twenty minutes ago," Jensen offered. He watched David run inside but made no move to follow. "So it won't be entirely your fault."

Jared snorted. "Trust me. With Megan, it's always my fault." Jared watched him curiously for several moments, then raised an eyebrow. "Are you waiting for an invitation?"

"I guess I am." Jensen turned his hesitation into a broad smirk, hooking his thumbs into the front of his jeans as he raised his own eyebrow. "Just because you're a crappy host doesn't mean I have to be an intrusive guest."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jared said. He rolled his eyes and then made a sweeping bow, one arm gesturing grandly toward the opening in the tipi. "Won't you _please_ come in, Mr. Ackles?" His tone softened from mocking to sincere and almost shy. "I would like to show you my home."

Jensen paused mid-step. "Your home? Aren't you staying in the cabin?"

Jared shook his head slowly and flapped his hand at Jensen in a _get in there, asshole_ gesture. "Let's talk inside. I don't want to stand out here all day, and I don't want to leave David alone in there."

He'd almost forgotten David. With an apologetic smile, Jensen bent forward and stepped into the tipi, moving forward to leave room for Jared to enter behind him before straightening back up. He saw a pile of bedding on the floor to his left and a small dresser to his right before Jared’s hand on his shoulder turned him back around.

"Sorry," Jared said, expression embarrassed but determined. "But I have to get this out of the way." Jensen opened his mouth to ask what the hell Jared was talking about but closed it again as Jared jerked him into a hard, clinging hug. His arms automatically curved around Jared's back and he closed his eyes, grip tightening when Jared didn't let him go. "I missed you, Jen."

Jensen breathed in Jared's scent, memorized the feel of Jared's body against his own and just let himself _have this_ , just for a minute. "I missed you too, Jay," he murmured. It was more true than Jared knew, more true than even Jensen had realized until just this moment. The thought made him pull back, gently but firmly, until Jared finally relaxed his grip and let him go.

Friends. They were friends, maybe even still best friends, but _just_ friends, and Jensen had to remember that.

"So, you're really living in the tipi?" Jensen's smile felt forced, but it relaxed into an involuntary laugh when David's head popped out of the pile of bedding. He bent to tug David free and hoisted the baby up into his arms, unable to resist nuzzling the kid's nose with his own. "Are you living out here too, David?"

"Just me," Jared said roughly, then cleared his throat. Jensen looked up to see Jared smiling fondly at them. There was something wistful in his eyes before he shook his head slightly and reached up. Jensen had the oddest feeling Jared was going to cup his cheek or something, but Jared's fingers ghosted over David's cheek instead. "For now, I'm still using the shower in the cabin, but maybe I'll give in and really go native."

Jensen laughed, which made David giggle, and as if reading his mind, David reached up and tugged at Jared's beard, making him wince. "Looks to us like you've already gone native."

"Ha, ha," Jared said, giving David a mock dirty look as he bent closer. Suddenly he ducked in and nuzzled his nose under David's ear with a growl, making David squeal with laughter as he turned and grabbed Jared around the neck. "C'mon, baby," he said, and Jensen thought wildly for a moment that Jared was talking to him, could barely breathe with Jared's face _so close_ to his. Then Jared lifted David out of Jensen's arms and turned back for the open doorway. "Let's go see if dinner's ready."

~*~*~*~

Dinner was the same boisterous affair Jensen remembered from summers past, the long tables behind the house groaning under the weight of so much food and so many elbows. Everyone talked at once, and Jensen gave up hope of trying to follow any one conversation and just let the sound wash over him. His parents and Josh's wife Allie had arrived with Logan by the time he and Jared had returned to the cabin, Mac's husband following soon after. Ben couldn't stay the entire month, and Jensen had a brief moment of jealousy that Ben was allowed to escape when he himself was trapped here. He'd finally met the elusive Jesse as well as David's two older sisters, but there was no sign of the woman Jared had married, and no one acted like anyone was missing.

Maybe Jared was divorced, or maybe she'd died. No, Jensen was sure his mother would have told him _that_ , regardless of Jensen's years-long tantrum. Still, divorce was possible. Or maybe she wasn't coming until later. Or coming at all. Jared had said it was just him living in the tipi. Maybe she didn't believe in roughing it. Maybe she was a high maintenance bitch who insisted on spending all of Jared's hard-earned money on shoes and clothes and big parties, and Jared was living in the tipi to get away from her. Maybe she was planning to leave him once she'd emptied his bank accounts and taken Jared for every last penny she could get.

Jensen snorted and covered his face with both hands for a moment before shifting them up to press the heels into his eyes, shoving his hair back in the process. He was being absofuckinglutely ridiculous, and he really needed to talk to his mom and find out what the truth was before he drove himself crazy. With a sigh, he sat up straight and pulled his hands away from his eyes. He turned his head to see if she was finished eating and saw Jared staring at him from the other end of the table.

Used to be he and Jared would be pressed next to each other, laughing and whispering as they ate, so focused on each other that they hardly noticed anyone else, much less their food. His lips quirked as he remembered overhearing his mom tell Mrs. P it was the only time she could get him to eat broccoli – while he was talking to Jared. Now they were separated by several feet of table and several years of absence and even as Jared's lips curved in response to Jensen's small smile, Jensen could feel the ache of that distance so strongly he wasn't sure he could ever get close again. He'd never been able to settle for just taking what he could get, had known that just being Jared's friend wouldn't be enough. He hadn't been able to deal with it before and didn't think he could do it now, either.

So much for being a grown-up.

Jensen sighed and looked away from Jared to see his mother watching him. She nudged him lightly with her elbow. "You forgiven me yet?"

Raising an eyebrow, Jensen studied her with a smirk. "I don't know, Mom. It's not every day a woman lets her child be abducted so clearly against his will. I don't think anyone would blame me if I never spoke to you again."

Donna laughed and propped her chin on one hand, elbow on the table next to her now-empty plate. "My darling baby boy, what can I ever do to make it up to you?"

"Let's talk about that," he said, eyes flicking up involuntarily to see Jared smiling ruefully at Jeff. Jared's eyes met his again and Jensen quickly looked away. "I may have a few ideas."

Donna insisted on helping with clean-up first, and Jensen pitched in, much to Mac's amazement. Jensen flicked water at her face after about ten minutes of _sotto voce_ remarks. "I have my own house, Mac. I live by myself. I have actually learned to clean the kitchen."

"Will wonders never cease," she said in an overawed tone, and Jensen ran his hand under the faucet and flicked water at her again. "Stop that!"

"Both of you stop," Donna cut in. "Good grief, you'd think you two were teenagers again." She sent Jensen a smirk and continued, "The true wonder is that Jensen is even here at all."

Mac laughed so hard she doubled over, finally forcing several words out between giggles. "I heard he didn't have a choice."

"Oh, I am going to _kill_ someone," Jensen growled, folding his arms across his chest and staring at Mac in disgust.

"C'mon, Jen, you have to admit that it's at least a little funny," she gasped.

"No, actually, I don't. Maybe next time, _you_ can ride all the way up here in the back of Jeff's truck. See how funny _you_ think it is."

Donna stopped laughing at that. "They were supposed to let you out after an hour or so, let you ride in the cab."

Jensen shook his head slowly. "In the bed the entire drive. I finally fell asleep after a couple of hours and woke up here. I suppose I should be grateful they took the cover off the back before they wandered off so I could at least get myself out, but Jared had to come along and untie me."

Both Mac and Donna were staring at him open-mouthed now. Donna finally shook her head. "Dear lord, Jensen, I am so sorry. Both Sherri and I made them promise to pull over and let you out, untie you after an hour or so. We figured that once you were that far along, you'd give in a little more gracefully since you wouldn't have had an easy way home."

"Best-laid plans." Jensen raised an eyebrow. "I would think you'd know better than to trust Jeff and Josh by now."

"They will apologize, Jensen, both of them. I know Sherri will too once I tell her." Donna snorted out a helpless laugh. "I wouldn't be surprised if she tries to spank Jeff, actually."

Jensen couldn't help it – he had to laugh at the mental image of Jeff turned over Sherri's knee, all six feet seven inches of him. "If you wanted to try that with Josh, I wouldn't object."

"No, I'm sure you wouldn't," Donna agreed wryly. "But you said you already had some ideas, remember? And I'm damn sure you didn't think of that before I said it just now, so let's just hear what you had in mind first before you try to make me spank your brother."

Jensen shot Mac a wary look. He really didn't want to talk about any of it around Mac, even if he did have her sympathy for now. She shrugged. "I'd hold him down for Mom, Jen, and if you plan to get even, I want to help. I can't believe they did that to you." She stopped herself and sighed. "Or actually, I can. Anyway." With a wave of her hand, she picked up the dish cloth. "I can tell I'm not part of this discussion. I'll finish up in here, to make up for laughing at you."

"Thanks, Mac," Jensen said. He crossed to her, bent and kissed her cheek. "You're the best sister ever."

"I'm your only sister ever, Allie notwithstanding." She reached up to pat his face. "Now go."

Jensen went.

~*~*~*~

Donna tugged the sweater more snugly around her slim body, and Jensen reached out to rest an arm across her shoulders, pulling her close to his side to share his body heat. He'd forgotten how cool evenings could get in the mountains, even in July. "It's probably for the best, you packing my bag." He smiled down at her when she looked up questioningly. "I would have left my jacket home."

"That's a point in my favor, at least." She shook her head. "I cannot _believe_ your brother. What if you'd been in an accident, Jensen? And Jeff! He's an orthopedic surgeon, for crying out loud. He deals with the results of accidents all the time, he of all people should know better."

She was getting herself worked up, and Jensen rubbed her arm soothingly. "I admit, I wondered that myself," he said quietly, "but fortunately, we made it safely. No real harm done. And we'll make sure they don't do it again."

"Damn straight, they won't."

Jensen debated mentioning the fact that they wouldn't have done it at all without her help and Mrs. P's prodding, but decided against it. He could see enough guilt in her face already. "It's okay, Mom. We're all fine. That's not really what I wanted to talk about anyway."

Donna looked up at him with a small smile. "I didn't think it was."

He hummed in agreement, and they walked silently for several more moments before he said, "So, Megan's married."

"Megan's married. With kids, even."

Jensen snorted. "Yeah, I sort of noticed that." He watched their feet take step after slow step, waiting until he was sure he could say it without the words catching in his throat. "I thought David was Jared's son."

Donna laughed softly. "He looks like he could be, doesn't he? No, Jared doesn't have any kids, honey. I would have told you if he were getting married. Not that you would have listened."

"But – " Jensen nearly tripped over his own feet. He stopped in the middle of the path, dropping his arm from his mother's shoulders as her momentum carried her forward a few steps. "He _got_ married."

Jensen could _see_ the second Donna got it, the instant she realized more than Jensen had ever wanted her to know. "You're in love with him," she said softly.

"No!" Jensen took a single step backward, then forced himself to stop. Forced a laugh. "No, of course not, Mom."

She ignored his words, stepping slowly toward him. "You're in love with him, Jensen. That's why you wouldn't come here and didn't want to hear about any of them. You always were a stubborn little shit when you wanted to be. But where on earth did you get the idea that Jared was married? Jared's never been married, hasn't even dated, as far as Sherri knows, for at least a couple of years."

Jensen shook his head and fought not to retreat as she kept moving forward. "C'mon, Mom, don't be –"

"You stopped coming the year after Jared wasn't here," she said, coming to a halt directly in front of him. "He wasn't here and you were absolutely unbearable for months, wouldn't even acknowledge Megan's – oh!" Donna covered her mouth with her hand, eyes wide. "You didn't even open it, did you? You thought it was Jared's and threw it away without even _checking_ to see if you were right." She shook her head and smacked his arm, hard. "Stubborn little _shit_."

"Ow, Mom!" Jensen stepped back and rubbed his arm. "That hurt!"

"Why would you even think it was Jared's anyway?" she asked, and smacked him again. "Do you know how hurt Megan was when you didn't show? And Jared – I don't think he managed a real smile the rest of the day when he saw you weren't with us. What is _wrong_ with you?" She smacked him again.

"Mom, _stop_. Okay? Stop. Fine. Yes, I thought it was Jared's and didn't open it." He rubbed his arm surreptitiously. It _stung_. "Thank you for telling her I had tests, by the way," he added softly.

"I didn't do it for you," she snapped, then sighed. "I think we're long overdue for this talk, Jensen Ross. There's a log not far up ahead we can sit on. Come on," she said, and he followed her silently, feeling like he was twelve and in trouble again. She turned suddenly and poked him in the stomach. "And this time, I want the truth."

They didn't speak again until they reached the log. It was more than four feet in diameter and blackened at one end, jagged where it had cracked and broken away from the stump nearby.

"Lightning?" he asked, helping her settle on the massive log.

"A couple of years ago, yes," she nodded. "Jared told Sherri it was lucky it happened during early spring instead of later in the year. The wood was wet enough not to catch fire." Jensen shuddered at the thought of a forest fire raging through the trees, taking out the cabin. He climbed up to sit next to her just as she added, "Stop stalling."

"Not stalling, Mama." He sighed. "Just don't know where to start."

"Tell me why you thought it was Jared's. Why you didn't even _open_ it, Jensen."

He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Jared went with a girl to the beach that year, do you remember?" She nodded and he continued, "Well, I overheard Mrs. P tell you she thought this girl was The One." The capital letters were clear in his voice. "She was so excited; you both were. And Megan wasn't even engaged. That envelope was obviously a wedding invitation, Mama, what was I supposed to think?"

She nodded. "Okay, I suppose that makes sense. But you and Jared were friends, Jensen, even if you two had only ever talked to each other at the cabin. I've never seen two boys take to each other like that. Why on earth wouldn't you even open it?"

"You were right," Jensen finally said after several long moments. His voice was rough and throat tight. He hid his face in his hands. "I was in love with Jared. I didn't even know, but then that invitation came, and. God. I couldn't bear the thought that he belonged to someone else and I didn't want to see what she looked like." Jensen turned his head to look at his mother through his fingers. "I couldn't."

"Oh, baby." Donna slid closer and put her arm around Jensen's back, pressed a kiss to his shoulder. They sat in silence for a long time, until Jensen realized his ass was numb and his mother was shivering.

"We should go back," he said, pulling away from her and jumping down off the log.

"We can stay, baby. If you need to."

He smiled wryly. "You're freezing, Mom. And I'm not a baby."

She smiled back. "You'll always be my baby, Jensen, even when you're eighty," she said, just like he'd known she would. She reached out and ran a hand through his hair before cupping his cheek, then sighed and let him help her down.

They walked back in silence. Jensen paused at the edge of the clearing, eyes drawn to the glow from the tipi nestled far back in the trees on the other side of the cabin. "Thanks, Mama," he murmured, then forced his eyes away to smile at Donna.

"Of course. Mothers are good for more than nagging, you know." She laughed softly.

"I know." He pulled her into a hug. "And I appreciate it." He grinned. "Most of the time."

She laughed again and poked him in the stomach, then sobered. "Jensen."

"Hmm?"

"You said 'were'. Are you still?"

He shrugged one shoulder and smiled faintly. She nodded, hugged him again, then went back into the cabin without another word.

~*~*~*~

The next day at lunch, Mrs. P brought a massive plate of sandwiches outside, set them down on the table in front of Jeff and Josh and smacked them both hard on the back of their heads. To their credit, they didn't even bother asking what it was for, just shot Jensen guilty looks and hunched their shoulders. Mrs. P met Jensen's eyes and raised an eyebrow. Jensen grinned but shook his head slightly. Once was enough, and Jensen would be able to hold this over their heads for months. Possibly _years_. As if reading his mind, Mrs. P laughed.

Jared and Meg came out of the cabin talking, David in Jared's arms and babbling at his mother, and Jensen blindly grabbed a sandwich to give himself something to do other than stare at Jared. He had to get the fuck over this, over himself. He was going to be here for a month with no distractions and nowhere to hide, Jared right there with him and larger than life. He had _missed_ Jared, dammit, more than he could have ever imagined. Missed having someone who _got_ him, who laughed at his stupid jokes, who had his back no matter what nefarious scheme he cooked up, regardless of how much trouble they could potentially get into. Maybe if he could get his head screwed on right, get past this stupid crush, he could have that back again. Not that he was planning any pranks, they were too old for that now (no matter what Jeff and Josh seemed to think), but having that friendship again might ease the stupid ache that had taken up residence in his chest around the time he'd opened his eyes to see Jared leaning against the side of the truck wearing a beard, of all things.

Jensen looked up automatically when Jared laughed and his stomach tightened. He wanted to _taste_ that smile, see if the beard would scratch his cheek or be soft like Jared's hair had always been.

Yeah.

It just couldn't be that simple. 

Jensen forced himself to look away and eat his sandwich. It was just seeing Jared again, that was all. He'd get used to the laugh again, to the way Jared's smile lit up the world. He'd adjust to the shock of seeing that long, lean, muscled body instead of the lanky one he remembered, would stop wanting to tangle his fingers in that ridiculous hair, and Jared would just be the boy he grew up with instead of the man he wanted inside him and under him and next to him forever. Jensen's hand curled into a fist. He could do this, just. Just not today.

He imagined he could feel the heat of Jared's eyes on his back as he quietly excused himself and went back inside the cabin.

~*~*~*~

It was a struggle not to be overwhelmed. Jensen tried, thought he was making progress, and then Jared would say something dorky or laugh or just _be there_ , and Jensen would be back at square one all over again. He'd put Jared out of his mind, refused to think about him or _feel_ about him for ten years and now that he was here with Jared again he was helpless to do anything else. They all settled easily and automatically into the patterns of years before - hikes and swims and campfires - and it was both the same and unbelievably different. Instead of Jared teaching Jensen about the plants and trees and how to swim in the lake, Jared now taught the next generation, with the same quiet patience he'd shown Jensen all those years ago. And Jared was just as attentive and adoring with Logan as he was with his own nieces and nephew, and Jensen wasn't sure he could deal with how _perfect_ Jared was.

Jensen had survived before by cutting off half his soul and refusing to think about it. Now, Jared was winding himself inextricably in and through Jensen so completely he knew he wouldn't be able to do that this time. Jensen needed to somehow learn to live with the ache of never having what he really wanted, because he knew he wasn't going to be able to live without Jared in his life again.

~*~*~*~

Jensen was fairly absorbed in his book, only vaguely aware of his mom and Mrs. P talking, people moving around the room, his dad tending the fire before moving back to curl around his mom. He nodded and smiled absently at Meg when she said goodnight, noticed the volume level drop as she herded her kids out and up the stairs and was able to sink even a little deeper into the story. He was so engrossed that he jumped and nearly fell off the couch when an ear-splitting scream tore through the cabin.

Mac _did_ fall, from her perch on the arm of a chair into her husband's lap, but only because she was laughing at Jensen. "Oh god, your face, Jen. It's just David."

"Is Megan skinning him slowly? Or do kids just _do_ that? And for god's sake, stop laughing!"

She kept giggling, waving a hand helplessly at Jensen. "Yes, they do," she finally managed. "You really have no idea about kids, do you?"

"Why would I?" Jensen grumbled. "I'm gay, Mac, I'll never have my own."

That shut her up immediately, and she gave him a sad sort of smile. "You could if you wanted to. Adoption, or surrogates - I'd do it for you as long as you weren't the bio-dad."

Jensen smiled back at her, unexpectedly touched. He was saved from saying something ridiculously sappy by another piercing shriek from upstairs. "Do you have someone in mind for the bio-dad, Mac? Because kids are undeniably cute, and yours would be doubly so, but I am not at all down with the idea of dealing with that - " and he pointed a finger up at the noise " - all by myself."

She smirked and opened her mouth, and Jensen was actually afraid of what she was going to say. He was saved by David again, the shrieks now unceasing and getting progressively louder. Megan walked in to the room, bouncing David a little in her arms, and Jensen could finally understand him.

"Teeeeeeeeeeeeeee peeeeeeeeeeeeeee," David screamed, and sobbed as if his heart was breaking.

"Uncle Jared's asleep, baby," Megan said. "It's bedtime. You can go see the tipi tomorrow, but it's time to go to sleep now."

"Teeeeeeeeee peeeeeeeeee," he cried again. "Teeeeeeeeeeeee peeeeeeeeeeee!"

Megan looked close to tears herself, one hand cupping the back of David's head as she rocked and walked. Jensen glanced at his mother in time to see her give Mac a look, one that Mac returned with interest, and Jensen suddenly felt uneasy. "I can take him out to Jared, Meg," Mac said, her voice almost syrupy sweet. "You know Jay won't mind a visit."

"Oh, Mac, I don't know," Donna said, her voice dripping with so much concern that Jensen was immediately suspicious. "It's so dark outside, I don't think I want my little girl wandering around the forest at night. Besides, you're already dressed for bed." And then both women turned and looked right at Jensen, who rolled his eyes so hard it actually hurt.

"Gee, Mom, did you want me to go with her?" Jensen cocked an eyebrow, waiting. He'd almost believe they'd orchestrated the whole thing, except he knew neither one would hurt a baby just to try to maneuver him. They were definitely quick to take advantage, though.

Mac yawned. "Oh, well, Jen. If you're going, you can just take him to Jay, can't you? We don't both need to go."

Megan frowned. "I don't want to disturb Jay, and David needs to go to bed. He'll cry himself out soon."

"Jay won't mind, and Jensen will take him out." It was Donna who spoke, she and Mac both giving Megan the look they'd given each other earlier. They were clearly planning _something_ , and Jensen had no idea what it could be.

"Oh!" Megan's eyes widened and she smiled, then turned to Jensen. "Would you mind, Jen? I hate having my baby so upset, it would help me so much."

Jensen stared at her and she stared guilelessly back, eyes wide and hopeful. David screamed again and Megan's lower lip trembled. Her eyes filled, and Jensen honestly couldn't tell if the tears were genuine or not.

"Of course," he finally said. What else _could_ he say? Maybe they just wanted him out of the cabin for some reason. He looked at the conspiratorial grins the women shot each other and groaned. "At least wait to gloat until I'm out of the room, seriously. You aren't fooling anyone."

All three protested their innocence, and Jensen shook his head. Marking his place in the book, he stood and crossed to the piles of shoes next to the door, finding his and shoving his feet into them as he tugged his jacket on. Megan walked to meet him, waiting until Jensen had the jacket on before handing David over, blanket and all. David, thankfully, seemed to realize he was getting his way and had stopped screaming as soon as Megan had started toward the door, but his big eyes were still wet and every other breath shuddered in on a sob. "Thank you, Jen, I owe you one."

"Uh huh," he said. He gave David a serious look. "This is why I'm gay, David. Women are manipulative and honestly? They're sort of scary. Men I get. Women, not so much. And the women in our family are _always_ up to something. Remember that."

David grinned. "Teeee peeee."

~*~*~*~

David once again kept up a running commentary all the way out to the tipi, and Jensen still didn't understand a single word. He nodded and agreed at what seemed appropriate intervals, which in turn seemed to satisfy the baby. Jensen rubbed his hand over David's back and couldn't resist pressing a kiss to the soft skin at his temple. David was a warm, solid weight in his arms, and Jensen let himself consider for the first time the possibility of a child of his own someday. David laughed up at him, dimples flashing, and Jensen's heart clenched. He'd want it to be Jared's son, _their_ son. He couldn't imagine having a family with anyone else. "I'm an idiot, David," Jensen murmured.

"Yes!" David squealed. Jensen had to laugh. Smart kid, this one. Then Jensen realized they'd reached the tipi, and David was just smug about getting his own way, and it made him laugh harder.

"Jen?" Jared's voice came from inside the dark tipi, and Jensen could hear the sleepy tone in the one short word. A faint light came on, and Jensen could see Jared moving inside, see him stand and come closer. Jared's shadow got bigger and then the canvas was flung aside and Jensen could only stare. Jared was _huge_ , ripped, and nearly nude. Jensen was saved from a complete brain meltdown only by a pair of low slung cotton pajama bottoms. Jared reached for him and Jensen had the wild thought that he was finally going to taste Jared, finally going to feel all of that muscle and warm skin against his own...

"Mini me!" Jared said and took David out of Jensen's arms. "It's bedtime, baby, why aren't you sleeping?"

Jensen's knees actually buckled. Fortunately, Jared didn't notice. He was focused on David, turning back into the tipi as David babbled at him, and by the time Jared glanced back, Jensen had himself under control again. "Well, come on, Jen. Shut the door behind you, it's cold outside."

"Not much of a door, Jay," Jensen muttered, but he followed them inside and tugged the canvas closed. He watched Jared gracefully sink into the pile of bedding, still listening to David, and stood awkwardly near the doorway. "I should go back, I guess. It's just, David wouldn't stop screaming."

"He does that sometimes," Jared said softly, soothingly, as if talking to David instead of answering Jensen. "He works himself up and it frustrates Meg. But I don't mind, do I, buddy? We like to hang out." David squealed, and Jensen grinned. "Sit, Jen. You can hang with us."

Jensen finally looked around and saw a pile of folded bedding next to the single folding camp chair in the tipi. He dropped into the chair and threaded his fingers together, resting his hands over his stomach as he slouched down. "What do we do when we hang?"

Jared laughed. "Not a whole lot," he admitted. "This late, David usually ends up falling asleep with me for the night. Gives Meg and Jesse a break."

"Oh." Jensen shifted, then sat forward. "Well, I'll go back, then, I guess. Let you two get to it."

"Stay." Jared looked up at Jensen finally, expression tentative. "All night, if you want. There's plenty of blankets, and we'd love the company." He looked back down at David. "Wouldn't we, David? You want Uncle Jen to stay and hang?" David giggled and clapped his hands, and Jared grinned. "Sounds like a yes to me, Jen."

Jensen's mouth was dry, and he swallowed a couple of times before he could answer. All night. With Jared right there. He was discovering all sorts of new masochistic tendencies. "Yeah, okay. Sure. I'll stay."

David's eyes were already drooping and the incoherent babble was slower and more a mumble than before. Jensen was surprised to realize that he could tell a difference even though he still couldn't understand any of it. He stood up and toed off his shoes before gathering the blankets and making up a bed for himself. He was careful to leave a wide swath of floor between his pile and Jared's. It only took a few minutes, and then they settled down to sleep, Jared waiting for Jensen to lie down and get comfortable before he turned the lamp off. Jensen undressed under the blankets as quietly as he could, but evidently wasn't quiet enough. Jared laughed.

"You're such a dork, Jen."

"I'm not the one living in a _tipi_ when there's a comfortable cabin with actual beds just, you know. Right there."

"But you're staying here, at least tonight."

"Yeah, whatever. Not as bad as living here."

"Dude, you're stripping in the dark under the covers. Are you still twelve and no one told me?"

"A guy's gotta preserve _some_ modesty, Jay. Keep some secrets."

He'd expected a laugh and another smart ass remark, but instead there was a long silence. Jensen was finally down to boxers and wondering if Jared had developed narcolepsy since the last time they'd spent the night in the same room; if he'd dropped off to sleep that fast, he was either really exhausted or had a problem. Then Jared's voice came softly out of the dark. "Is that why you stopped coming?"

Jensen turned onto his side to face Jared, even though he couldn't see him at all. "What are you talking about, Jay?"

"Secrets," Jared said. "Is that - you know I never cared, right? Not even then. You didn't think I'd hate you or, I don't know. Not be friends because you're gay or something like that, did you? Is that, that's not why you don't talk to me anymore, is it? Because I would never care about that, Jensen. I couldn't."

"No." Jensen had to stop and clear his throat. "No, I know, Jay. It's not your fault." He could hear Jared shifting under his blankets, heard David take a shuddering breath then let it out in a sigh. "I just - no. I wanted to get school finished," he said, giving Jared the same excuse he'd given his mom all those years before. "I took summer classes so I could get it over with faster. I couldn't get away, especially not for a whole month."

This time it was Jared who sighed. "Yeah. That's what your mom said."

Jensen curled his hand into a fist, wanting so desperately to _touch_. He should have made up his bed even further away. Like, in the _cabin_. "I promise, Jay - I was in class and it was miserable."

"Yeah." Jared fell silent again, and Jensen was almost asleep when Jared's voice drifted out of the darkness. "I just missed you, Jen."

"Me too, Jay." Then it clicked, what Jared had said, and Jensen sat up. "Wait. You didn't know I was gay then. I hadn't told anyone yet."

Jared laughed softly, but it wasn't a happy sound. "I always sort of knew, before I even knew what it meant. And then I finally - god. It was stupid that we never talked except here. I mean. We're guys, yeah, but we should have been on the phone sometimes. Best friends, and we talked one month a year. And then you, you weren't here. And you missed Meg's wedding because of your tests, and I just." Jensen could hear the frustration in the breath Jared blew out. "I finally called. And your boyfriend sort of bitched me out, so. So I didn't again. I should, I should have called again."

Jensen shook his head even though he knew Jared couldn't see him. "I don't - Jay. I've never _had_ a boyfriend. I mean. I'm not, I've hooked up with guys and stuff, but there's never been a guy I wanted to stick things out with for more than just a fuck." _Except you._ "Who the hell bitched you out?"

"He said his name was Chris." Jensen could hear Jared sit up too. "It was your cell phone, Jen, and your mom said your roommate was named Steve, and why was he answering your phone if he wasn't your boyfriend?"

"Oh, hell." Jensen scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn't know whether to be furious or grateful, because if Chris had been answering his cell, that meant - "I had to have been drunk, or Chris wouldn't have been anywhere near my phone. Fucker never told me you called." And Chris knew all about Jared, because the one time Jensen had crawled into a bottle over Jared, it had been Chris that pulled him out and cleaned him up. Jensen really didn't want to talk about Chris, although he would definitely be talking _to_ him. Soon. "You asked my mom about Steve?"

"Uh." Jensen could almost _hear_ Jared blushing, and suddenly he could see so clearly that shy awkward eight year old who didn't think Jensen would want to be his friend. "No. Not exactly. I, well. Your mom just talks about you, Jen. A lot."

"And she talked to you about Steve."

"Not me, just. Hell. You stopped coming, Jen, but you were still part of us. So your mom would just, you know. Catch us up on things. And for awhile she worried about Steve because he didn't take school seriously and she knew you needed to or you wouldn't finish and you'd hate yourself. I think that's why she wasn't more upset when you took summer classes instead of vacations. It told her you were determined to get it done." Jared blew out a breath, laughed awkwardly. "She never mentioned Chris. Never mentioned a boyfriend at all, but you came out to her, like, a couple years after I'd called, or something. I just figured that he was pre-announcement and she didn't know."

Jensen shook his head wryly and sighed. "Mom always sort of knew too, I guess, even when she hoped otherwise. She's met Chris." Jensen laughed suddenly. "She doesn't approve of Chris at _all_."

Jared muttered something that sounded almost like _I don't think I do either_ but then he coughed and said, "So, not your boyfriend."

"No, never. Chris is one of the straightest straight guys I've ever met. He can be a total ass, but he's a good friend to have when you need one." Jensen paused. "I'm almost afraid to ask if you remember what he said."

" _Jen's a little busy right now_ ," Jared quoted, and Jensen was startled to hear the rhythm of Chris's accent in Jared's voice. " _Jen's gonna be busy for awhile, actually, so why don't you just back off, yeah? I'm sure your girl can keep you occupied enough to leave Jen alone._ "

Jensen groaned and lay back down, throwing his arm across his eyes. "Oh god. He didn't."

" _Who is this?_ , I said." Jensen could hear Jared shift in his blankets - sounded like he was laying down again too. " _I know this is Jen's cell, so who are you and why are you answering his phone?_ He just snorted at me and said _I'm his boy Chris, and I'm answerin' 'cause he's a little busy and he can't take your call_."

"Yeah. Chris and I'll have a really long talk once I get home." Jensen turned onto his side and faced Jared through the blackness. The dark of the forest was so complete in the tipi that Jensen couldn't even see shadows to tell him exactly where Jared was. "I'm sorry, Jay. I wish I had known."

Jared huffed a soft laugh. "For a long time I thought you did. You, you weren't just busy, were you, Jen." It wasn't a question, so Jensen didn't answer. "You were avoiding us. Would you have talked to me then, if you _had_ known?"

Jensen didn't say anything for several long moments. He didn't want to lie to Jay, wasn't sure he _could_ , which was honestly part of why he'd chosen to cut himself off. But telling Jared the truth, even just acknowledging it, would open up all the old wounds he'd spent so long ignoring. "I don't know, Jay," he finally whispered. "I was really confused about a few things and was trying to get my head on straight. I just don't know."

"Fair enough," Jared said, and Jensen could hear the hurt in his voice. _Dammit_. Then Jared cleared his throat and said, "Well, you're here now, right? That's the important part. Even if you had to be coerced."

"Sure, Jay. Although I'm not sure 'coerced' is a strong enough word. Your mother had me _kidnapped_."

Jared made a dismissive sound. "Semantics. Whatever." They both laughed at that, but when Jensen choked on a yawn as they snickered, Jared sobered quickly. "Go to sleep, Jen. David's the only smart one here, he's been out since I turned off the lamp."

David was totally the smart one, Jensen decided as he let himself drift off. He'd scored the bed with Jared in it. Jensen barely heard Jared's soft goodnight through the haze of sleep and had no idea if he answered out loud or not.

~*~*~*~

Somehow Jensen found himself sleeping in the tipi every night after that. At first Megan kept sending him out with David and then one night, after a few beers too many, Jensen just automatically stumbled into the woods after Jared. He didn't even realize David wasn't there with them until Jared had helped him get settled into his blankets and turned out the light and there were no baby sounds snuffling out of the darkness. "David?"

Jared laughed softly. "He's asleep in the cabin, Jen. You can stay here without him, you know."

"Oh, I know," Jensen slurred, "I just. S'easier." He could hear shuffling sounds and then suddenly Jared was right there, not quite touching, but warm in the darkness. Jensen rolled toward him and reached out, fumbling, until he found Jared's arm. "I like David. He looks like you."

"Yeah, he does." Jared was quiet for a moment, then his hand cupped Jensen's elbow. "Why is it easier, Jen? Why can't you talk to me any more? You used to tell me everything."

Jensen let his eyes close but didn't let go of Jared's arm. "Don' need me, Jay. Don' think you ever did."

Jared's grip tightened almost painfully on Jensen's elbow as he sucked in a breath. "You're my best friend, Jen, the first friend I ever had. I've always needed you."

"Not like I needed you." Jensen had the feeling he was going to regret this but he couldn't make his tongue stop moving. "I love you so much, and." Jensen sighed. "Hated your stupid girlfriend."

" _Jensen_."

Jensen meant to answer, he really did, but he was so tired, and drunk, and he just couldn't stay conscious any longer.


	3. Part Three

Jensen couldn't move. He didn't really want to, but that was beside the point. He didn't want to open his eyes either, because he knew damn well he'd made a complete and total ass of himself with Jared last night. The problem with beer was it made him stupid and made him ramble but it never made him forget.

But he was going to have to open his eyes to see why he couldn't move, and hopefully Jared would be long gone and Jensen could go drown himself in peace.

Jared wasn't gone. "Fuck."

"Are you awake?" Jared was kneeling over him, pinning the blankets tightly over Jensen's body, trapping one arm against his stomach. Which was why he couldn't move. "Jen?"

"M'awake."

"Are you hung over?"

Jensen clamped his free hand over his eyes. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. "No."

"Drink this anyway. It can't hurt." Jensen slid his fingers apart to peer through them at the bottle of water Jared was holding. It had a pop-up top that meant Jensen could drink it without having to sit up, which was good, because it didn't look like Jared had any intention of moving. Jensen snatched the bottle away from Jared and sucked it down in several long swallows, trying not to notice that Jared was just watching him steadily. "You finished?"

"Yeah." Jensen closed his hand over his eyes again and tried a smile. "Thanks, man, that helped. I'm thinking some more sleep would be good too."

"Did you mean it?"

Jensen squeezed his eyes tight under his hand. "Leave it alone, Jay."

" _Did you mean it?_ "

"Yes. All right?" Jensen let his hand fall away and forced himself to look up at Jared's stony expression. "Yes. But I know you're straight, okay? You don't have to worry about it."

The slow smile that transformed Jared's face was honestly the most beautiful thing Jensen had ever seen. "God, Jen, you're so stupid. You don't know a fucking thing." And then Jared bent down and kissed him.

Jared tasted like toothpaste and coffee and Jensen thought absently that his own morning breath had to be deadly, but Jared didn't seem to even notice. He just kept _kissing_ Jensen, slow brush of lips and tongue again and again as if nothing else would ever matter, those huge hands cupping Jensen's face as if he were something precious. Jensen just gave in, had no other choice, not when Jared's fingers were in his hair and Jared's tongue was in his mouth and he had dreamed of just this so many times. Jensen flailed a little and then let his hand tangle in Jared's hair to hold him close. "Jay. What - I don't. What?"

"Shut up, Jen. Just let me - god." Jared made a rough sound in the back of his throat and deepened the kiss, thrusting his tongue past Jensen's lips to explore and tease, then suddenly he laughed, mouth still pressed to Jensen's. "We need to do this again after you brush your teeth, but I can't wait any more. I've waited too damn long already."

"How have _you_ waited?" Jensen closed his eyes and tilted his head back as Jared bit at his jaw. "Girlfriend, Jay. Your mom made sure everyone knew."

Jared huffed out a laugh that managed to be both amused and exasperated in one breath of sound. "Ten years ago, you fucking dumbass. You're really fixated on a girl you never met."

Jensen fought the low moan building in his throat as Jared's lips kept moving over his skin. Of course he was fixated - that girl had ruined his life. Not that he could actually _say_ that. "Did you want to make out, here, or did you want to talk about your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend." Jared laughed again, this one pure amusement. "And I don't want to _make out_ , no." Jared's mouth brushed his ear, and he could feel the soft brush of Jared's beard against his cheek. "I want to learn what you taste like everywhere. I want to see how you've changed, see what's still the same. I want to make up for lost time."

" _Jared_." Jensen's hand tightened in Jared's hair, and he tried again to free his other arm.

Jared sucked Jensen's earlobe into his mouth, tugged once before slowly letting it slide free. "I want to fuck you," he breathed. "Hard and fast, sweaty and over in seconds. Slow and easy, not enough to push us over, just enough to drive you crazy. I want to ride you for hours, let you ride me, whatever you want until we're both so fucked out we can't move. And then I want to sleep wrapped around you so you're there when I wake up, and we can do it again."

Jensen couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe and he couldn't get his fucking arm out from under the blankets. "Jared," he groaned, "fuck, get me the fuck out of these fucking blankets so I can _touch you_ , god."

"I thought you'd never ask." Suddenly Jared's weight was gone and Jensen didn't even have time to miss it before the blankets were ripped away from his body and he was free to reach out and grab Jared with both hands, his beard tickling Jensen's palms as Jensen pulled him into another kiss. It was hard and desperate, edged with the frustration of ten years of wanting, but then Jared laughed again, softly, and his hand drifted down Jensen's throat before coming to rest over Jensen's heart, and everything shifted. The edges were gone and it felt like time had slowed down, almost stopped, leaving just Jensen and just Jared and the weight of Jared's hand right where it belonged.

Jared wrinkled his nose a little as he pulled away from Jensen's mouth, moving instead to suck at the juncture of neck and shoulder exposed by the stretched collar of the old t-shirt Jensen was wearing. Jensen laughed. "You're the one who said he couldn't wait. I'd be glad to go take a piss and brush my teeth first if you want to let me up," Jensen said, but Jared didn't answer. Jensen coaxed Jared's face back up where he could see it, and saw that Jared was blushing faintly, cheeks pink above the beard. "Jay?"

"You would have hidden from me, for _days_ , if I'd let you get away this morning," Jared said with a quirk of his lips that wasn't quite humor, and suddenly it was Jensen who was blushing. Jared still knew him too well.

"The cabin isn't big enough to hide in," Jensen tried, and Jared's smile became real and knowing.

"You'd've managed." Jared bent to nuzzle at Jensen's throat again. "You'd've surrounded yourself with our families - hidden in plain sight - and I would never have been alone with you again. And I can't imagine trying to tell you about all of the really dirty things I've dreamed of doing to you with our mothers right there."

Jensen choked on a horrified laugh. "Oh god, no, me either." Then Jared's words actually sank in and Jensen paused. "You've dreamed of doing dirty things to me?"

" _Really_ dirty things. For _years_."

"Why didn't you ever _tell_ me, Jay?" Jensen's fingers were stroking absently through Jared's hair, thumbs teasing along the curve of his ears.

Jared's words were muffled in Jensen's neck, but Jensen could hear them clearly enough. "By the time I started thinking about you that way, you were avoiding my entire family. I thought you hated me."

Jensen closed his eyes and bounced his head lightly against the ground. Dammit. "I never hated you, Jay. I never could."

"But you _were_ avoiding me. Us."

"Jay, I -" he started, but an intruding voice saved him from having to explain further. He could not bring himself to be grateful for the interruption.

"Jared, Jensen - you guys awake yet? We're almost ready to leave." Mac's voice was annoyingly cheerful and awake and _right outside the tipi._ They both froze, Jared's body heavy on Jensen's, the string of obscenities he growled muffled in Jensen's throat.

Jensen cleared his throat. "We're awake," he called out, "but, uh. Where are you going?" _And why do we care?_ he wanted to add, but he'd been Mac's brother too long to be quite _that_ stupid.

Jared rolled off Jensen and they both sat up just in time; Mac grabbed the canvas and pulled it to one side, opening the doorway. She smiled at them, completely oblivious to what she'd nearly walked in on. " _We_ , Jen. And don't pretend you don't know, and you _aren't_ bailing on us, either. I know you don't get beer hangovers so you have no excuse. We've been planning this hike for nearly a week and you darn well know it."

"Shit." They spoke in unison, and Mac rolled her eyes.

"Seriously. Sometimes I could swear you two were separated at birth. You both forgot, didn't you?"

Jensen rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, we, uh. We were talking about something else and kind of. You know, Mac, maybe we can -" _skip this time_ , he started to say, voice trailing off as he met her glare.

She shook her head. "Oh, no, you don't. You haven't been up here in ten years, Jensen Ross, you can get off your ass and go on a hike with me now that you're finally back."

Jared looked at Jensen and Jensen looked back. Jared's eyes reflected the same mix of want and frustration and reluctant amusement Jensen could feel tugging at him. "I guess we're hiking."

"I guess so." Jared's lips quirked. "We can finish talking about this later, though, right?"

"I'll even brush my teeth first," Jensen said, and was rewarded with a blinding grin.

~*~*~*~

Jensen had thought the hike would be awkward or seem interminable, that he and Jared would be thinking too much about what Mac had interrupted to be able to talk to anyone else. He didn't know about Jared, but it had been ages since he'd gotten laid, and the possibility of ending his dry spell with _Jared_ should have had him drooling and gibbering like an idiot. Instead, it was just like every hike they'd ever taken before Jensen had lost his mind and given it all up. They laughed and teased each other and everyone else, exchanged conspiratorial glances that first had Mac and Megan looking at them warily and then, frighteningly, assessingly. He tried to tone it down, but he couldn't help the goofy grin that took over his face every time Jared winked at him.

They reached the small lake that signaled the end of the hike just before one o'clock, and as Jared chased the kids around the clearing and their mothers began unpacking the lunches they'd brought, Mac finally managed to corner Jensen. "So," she said, hands tucked into her back pockets, "who are you, and what have you done with my grumpy brother?"

"I'm not grumpy," Jensen protested mildly, even though he knew she wouldn't let it slide.

"Uh huh." Mac's lips twitched but she didn't look away. "You're _happy_ , Jen. Like you haven't been for _years_. You're talking to Jared like you used to. I just want to know what happened to - oh. Oh, _shit_."

Jensen raised an eyebrow. "What?"

Mac looked completely disgusted with herself. "I interrupted you two this morning, didn't I?"

" _No,_ " Jensen said immediately, but he could feel his face flush with heat.

"I _did_!" Mac looked like she couldn't decide whether to be delighted or frustrated on his behalf, and Jensen started to laugh. "Shut up! Ewww!"

Jensen laughed harder. "What, you don't want the details?"

Mac shook her head quickly. "God, no, Jen. You're my _brother_ and he might as well be. I do _not_ want to know. At all. As far as I'm concerned, you just hold hands." Then, nose still wrinkled, she said, "But it's about damn time, seriously. You two are idiots, you know that?"

"You love us anyway," Jared said, and Jensen didn't even have time to be startled by his voice before those long arms were wrapped around him from behind, Jared's chin hitched over one shoulder. Jensen couldn't help it; he leaned back into Jared's warmth and barely managed not to sigh contentedly.

"Yeah, I kinda do," Mac agreed, and her face softened into a sappy expression that Jensen was really afraid was a match for the smile on his own face.

~*~*~*~

After lunch, Donna and Mrs. P settled down to talk and watch as Megan and Mac played in the shallow water with the toddlers. Jensen watched fondly for a few minutes too, and was debating the possibility of a short nap before they headed back when long fingers curled around his elbow and tugged. "C'mon," Jared murmured. His hand slid down Jensen's arm until he could thread their fingers together.

"Are we heading back already?" Jensen asked with a smirk. He let Jared lead him back into the relative privacy of the trees.

"No, dumbass. I'm getting you out of sight of the wee ones so I can have my wicked way with you." Jared flashed him an easy smile.

Jensen choked back a laugh. "Seriously?" He shook his head and heaved a mock sigh. "I can see we're going to have to work on that stamina of yours."

Jared shot him a startled look that turned into a pout. "Oh, fuck you. I have incredible stamina. I'll totally make you come at least twice before I do."

"Not if you think you can, how did you put it? _Have your way with me_ before it's time to head back." Jensen bumped Jared's shoulder with his own and ducked his head to hide his grin. "It's probably best that we wait, Jay. I mean. Did you really want to hike for three hours after fucking me into next week? You'd have to carry me down the trail." He felt Jared's hand flex convulsively around his, felt his grin become an outright smirk. "Or did you want to just stay up here all night?"

" _Jensen_."

Jensen could almost hear Jared's teeth grinding together and fought not to laugh out loud. " _Jared_."

Between one step and the next, Jensen was pushed against a tree, the rough bark catching in the fabric of his shirt and pressing almost painfully into his back. He didn't care. Because Jared was pressed just as close to his chest, tongue in his mouth and hands in his hair and Jensen couldn't believe he could finally have this. His own hands reached up to tangle in Jared's hair and tugged, trying to get impossibly closer.

"S'okay," Jared murmured into Jensen's mouth, then chased the words with his tongue, a slow exploration that had Jensen torn between wanting to push for _moreharderfasternow_ and wanting to savor this, to fall into Jared and never climb out. The thought felt a little too desperate, a lot too pathetic, and Jensen forced himself to break the kiss.

"What are we doing, Jay?" Jensen whispered. His cheek slid against Jared's, his stubble catching the hair of Jared's beard, and Jensen laughed softly.

Jared grinned; Jensen felt it in the shift of muscles against his face. "What we should have been doing for years, Jen." Jared's mouth moved over Jensen's jaw and then down, teeth nipping at the cord of his neck. Jensen gasped, fingers flexing in Jared's hair as Jared bit and then sucked at the juncture of neck and shoulder.

Jensen let his head fall back to give Jared all the room he might possibly need. "So you're giving me a hickey to go with the beard burn?"

"I'm going to give you a lot of hickeys," Jared said seriously, licking at the spot where bruises were surely already forming. "And even more beard burn. All. Over. Your. Body." Jared punctuated each word with a sucking kiss, and then set his lips back over the slightly sore spot on Jensen's neck.

"Uh." Jensen's eyes rolled back in his head and he let them drift shut. He wondered vaguely what it would feel like to have Jared blow him with the beard, and shuddered at the thought of beard burn _there_. "Maybe you could shave it off."

Jared shook his head. "I don't know, Jen. It's kind of grown on me."

Jensen's eyes popped open. "Dude. You did not just say that."

"I think I did." Jared's eyes met Jensen's, and they both started to laugh.

"Hey, guys?" Mac's voice floated through the trees and they froze. "I know you're probably, uh, holding hands, or something, but we're getting ready to go, and I told Mom I'd come find you. So she didn't see you, you know. Holding hands."

By the time Mac came into view through the trees, Jared and Jensen had almost stopped laughing. Almost.

~*~*~*~

The awkwardness Jensen had expected to feel on the hike hit full force as they finished dinner. Jared had spent the meal pressed next to Jensen, one hand waving and gesticulating and stuffing food into his face while the other rested on Jensen's thigh the entire time. And it still felt normal, _easy_ , until Jared slid his fingers over the inseam of Jensen's jeans and turned to look at him. "I know it's early, but it's kinda been a long day. I'm going to hit the sack now. You coming, or are you gonna stay in the cabin tonight?"

The question was casual, nothing to draw notice from anyone else, but Jensen could feel Jared's hand squeeze his leg reflexively, sharply enough that Jensen didn't think Jared had meant to do it. And suddenly Jensen was having a hard time breathing. Because if he chose to go with Jared - and it was a choice, Jared had given him an out - then they were going to have sex. It had been his subconscious dream for so long, out of his reach before he'd even let himself admit he wanted it, and Jensen wasn't quite sure he was going to be able to handle having this particular dream come true.

"Jen?" Jared's voice was soft, and Jensen looked up to see uncertainty lurking in the depths of Jared's eyes. It occurred to him for the first time that maybe Jared wasn't any more sure what he was doing than Jensen was, that maybe this might mean as much to Jared as it would to Jensen.

"Yeah." Jensen smiled and could _feel_ the tension leave Jared's body next to him. "I haven't hiked like that in a decade. I could use an early night too." He could see Mac roll her eyes in his peripheral vision but didn't bother looking at her. He was too focused on the brilliant smile that flashed across Jared's face.

"Oh, no you don't," Mrs. P said disapprovingly. Jared's eyes widened and then both he and Jensen turned to look at her. Jensen had seen the exact same question in Jared's eyes that was running through his head; _how the hell did she know we were going to have sex?_ Jensen opened his mouth to deny _everything_ when Mrs. P continued, "It's your night for dishes, Jared, and don't even pretend that hike wore you out. You'd spend all day tromping through the woods if we'd let you."

Jared started to laugh, and Jensen was pretty sure he was the only one who heard the relief in the sound. Or maybe he was just projecting. Jensen elbowed Jared. "I'll help you, man. We'll get it done faster, and that way you won't wake me up when you _tromp_ into the tipi."

"I'd be careful not to step on you, Jen."

"You have feet the size of boats, dude. I don't think you could help yourself." Jensen laughed at Jared's wounded look and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "It's true what they say about men with big feet, right?"

Jared snickered and turned into Jensen so he could whisper back. "You only want me for the size of my... boat. I knew it."

"I haven't even seen your boat yet, Jay, I can't make that decision until I have all the evidence in hand."

Mac cleared her throat, and Jensen looked up in time to see her exchange a smug look with Megan. "You know, Jensen, it's really rude to whisper in front of other people."

"Yeah," Megan chimed in, "share or stop, Jay."

Jared and Jensen both laughed, and Jensen raised an eyebrow and just _looked_ at Mac until she blushed and started coughing. Jensen smirked triumphantly as he stood to start clearing the table.

~*~*~*~

Cleaning up didn't take long, although it was more because they were both trying to get out of the cabin than just because Jensen was helping. They didn't talk on the way out to the tipi, either, just walked quickly with shoulders hunched and hands in their pockets. Jensen felt more surreal with every step. He'd been sure Jared was as straight as Chris when he'd woken up that morning, and not even twelve hours later here he was, about to have sex with him. With _Jared_.

Oh god. He was going to have sex with Jared.

"Just breathe, Jen." Jared's voice was amused, but Jensen could hear the nerves underneath the easy words. Somehow knowing Jared wasn't any more calm than he was made it much easier to relax. He felt the tension ease out of his shoulders and opened his mouth to tease Jared back, and realized Jared had slowed enough to fall a couple of steps behind. "We don't have to -"

"Oh, no you don't." Jensen turned and stopped abruptly, deliberately, so Jared ran into him. "You don't get to back out now, man."

Jared sucked in a breath and grabbed Jensen's arms, possibly for balance, but Jensen didn't care _why_. It was enough to have Jared's hands on him again. Finally. "You were almost freaking out, Jen," Jared murmured, "I thought maybe you'd changed your mind."

Jensen shook his head and pressed closer, curling his hands into the soft flannel of Jared's shirt at either hip. "It's just." Jensen blew out a breath and shook his head again, this time in disbelief. He could feel heat creeping into his face and looked away. "Never thought it'd really be _you_. Can't quite wrap my mind around it."

"Who'd you think it would be?" Jared asked softly. He bent to nose along Jensen's jaw, and Jensen's eyes drifted shut. He was completely giving himself away, laying everything he was and had ever wanted out in the open for Jared to see and possibly reject, but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

"I don't know. Just - hasn't been you for ten years, Jay. No one quite like you."

Jared made a sound in the back of his throat and then his hands were on Jensen's face and they were kissing, Jared's tongue in his mouth and his body warm and firm and close. Jensen honestly didn't even realize Jared was moving him until his back hit the thick trunk of a tree. He laughed softly into Jared's mouth. "You have some sort of tree fetish, Jay?"

"I have always loved the forest." Jared let his forehead drop to Jensen's shoulder and laughed. "But not that way. I just like having you between a tree and a hard place."

"I suppose that's better than a rock."

"Closer, anyway. I haven't seen a rock for miles."

Jensen laughed as he reached up to curl both hands in Jared's hair and tug. "Shut up and kiss me again before I start thinking about how uncomfortable this stupid tree actually is."

Jared grinned; Jensen could feel the curve of his lips as he mouthed up Jensen's neck. "I might be able to distract you."

"You think?" Jensen tilted his head to the side so Jared could taste, and Jared was quick to take advantage, sucking at a spot just under Jensen's ear that turned his knees to jelly. "God."

"I'm pretty distracting," Jared murmured. "It's a talent." Working one hand between them, Jared started tugging at the fly of Jensen's jeans.

Jensen opened his mouth to agree and then choked on the words, suddenly unable to get enough air as Jared shoved one hand into his jeans, curling those long fingers around his dick. " _Jay_."

Jared sucked harder at Jensen's skin, then pulled back to stare down at him with a fierce expression Jensen had never seen on his face before. "Feels so good, Jen. I want to touch you everywhere. Make you come, make you feel so good."

"Yeah, god, Jay, your fucking _hands_." Jensen's hips stuttered forward into Jared's touch, he couldn't help it.

"All over, Jen," Jared promised. His voice was almost a growl now, rumbling through Jensen, making the pleasure rolling through him spike and ebb. "My hands, all over your body. My mouth, I'ma taste you too. I want to suck you."

Jensen's eyes rolled back in his head and his hands tugged at Jared's hair again. "Yes, god, yes, _please_ , I can't - "

Jared bent and swallowed Jensen's words, eating at his mouth and fucking his tongue in along Jensen's in the same slow rhythm of his hand stroking Jensen's dick. "Wanna fuck you, too," Jared said into Jensen's mouth. "Fuck you with my tongue first and then my dick. Need to be inside you."

"Jared." Jensen tugged again, forcing Jared's head back far enough to meet his eyes. "One, we are not fucking against a tree." Jared grinned and opened his mouth, and Jensen shook his head and continued, "Not this time. Two, stop fucking _talking_ about it and _do it_."

"No trees?" Jared's lips twitched, and Jensen rolled his eyes but couldn't quite stifle the laugh.

"No, Jay. Not when there's a tipi of dubious comfort nearby."

"Hey!" Jared looked indignant, but his hand was still slowly moving in Jensen's boxers, so Jensen wasn't buying it. "My tipi is _extremely_ comfortable."

"It has blankets. And a horizontal surface. That's about it, Jay." Jensen sucked in a breath as Jared thumbed the head of his cock.

"You're just jealous because you don't have a tipi too."

Jensen snorted and fought to stay focused on what Jared was saying instead of what his hand was doing. "Yes, that's exactly the problem. I don't have my own tipi."

Jared beamed broadly, teeth flashing white through his beard. "I'll share!"

"Aww, thanks, Jay." Jensen smirked and raised an eyebrow, then pushed his hips forward into Jared's hand again, head thunking back into the tree. "So, ngh, god, are we ever going to go, you know. _Fuck_ in our tipi? Or do you just want to stand here and talk more?"

"I don't know, it's a beautiful night - "

"Jared." Jensen tugged lightly at his hair again. "Now who's freaking out?"

Jared dropped his head to Jensen's shoulder and sucked in a breath. "You aren't the only one who waited, Jen."

"Let's stop waiting." Jensen reluctantly slid his fingers out of Jared's hair and almost whimpered when Jared pulled his hand free.

They made it to the tipi without any more interruptions. Jensen pulled the canvas open, waited for Jared to duck through before following him in and was promptly grabbed as soon as he pulled the canvas shut behind him. Through a combination of encouragement and outright manhandling, Jensen ended up on his back on Jared's blankets with Jared draped over him. As Jared leaned in to kiss him, though, Jensen held him off with one hand on his chest. "Before we start this up again, I have to ask. You have stuff, right? Because I am not letting you get me worked up if you can't follow through."

Jared gave him an exaggerated leer. "I have everything you need right here, baby."

Jensen rolled his eyes. "Not if you don't have lube and condoms, _baby_."

"I have everything we need," Jared said, much more seriously, and Jensen smiled.

"Good." Jensen braced and flipped them both, straddling Jared so he could grind down against him. "In that case, we're both way too overdressed."

Jared groaned, both hands flying to Jensen's hips. "Yes," he gasped, "yes we are. Fuck, _Jen_."

Jensen circled his hips again. "That was the idea, yes." He started on the buttons of Jared's shirt, opening them one at time until Jared sat up, nearly unseating Jensen, and yanked his shirt off with a frustrated growl. Jensen's sweater went next, barely out of the way before Jensen was pinned on his back again, Jared's fingers on his fly and his mouth moving down Jensen's chest. Tongue flicking into Jensen's navel, Jared finally got the last button free of the denim, and then suddenly Jensen's dick was out of his jeans and in Jared's mouth and Jensen couldn't _breathe_ , could only thread his fingers through Jared's hair and try not to come too soon.

He tugged and Jared growled and the vibrations nearly shoved Jensen over the edge into orgasm. " _Jay_ ," he gasped, "c'mon, please, I wanna - _fuck_. I wanna come on your cock. Wanna _feel_ you."

"Yeah," Jared panted, pulling off Jensen so abruptly that Jensen actually whined in protest. Jared grinned and crawled up Jensen's body so he could kiss Jensen again. "Wanna let go of my hair and get your pants off while I get the lube? Or do you want me to suck you again? Wanna suck you, Jen, wanna make you come so hard."

"Don't you ever shut up?" Jensen tried for an exasperated tone but didn't quite manage it, helpless against the smile curving his lips. He reluctantly disentangled his fingers after another quick kiss, then sat up and tugged at the laces of his hiking boots after Jared climbed off. He pulled the boots off and shucked his jeans just in time for a now naked Jared - and holy fuck, was he _gorgeous_ \- to hit him in the chest with a small tube. He rolled his eyes and opened it, and Jared laughed. Jared kept snickering until Jensen kicked off his boxers and spread his legs, reaching between to push a slick finger inside himself.

That shut him up. Jared's eyes widened and he settled himself between Jensen's legs again. "God, Jen, you're so - wow." He snatched the lube from the blankets where Jensen had dropped it and coated his own fingers, then leaned in and pushed one in next to Jensen's. "Is this okay? Please, let me -"

"Yeah," Jensen groaned. "Yeah, s'okay. C'mon, Jay. 'Nother one." He pulled his own finger free and Jared replaced it with two more of his, working Jensen open with an eagerness that was almost awkward. Jensen winced a little and palmed himself, breathing through the stretch until he relaxed into the pressure. "You ever done this before, Jay?"

"Oh yeah!" Jared said, a little too quickly. "Of course, lots of times." He found Jensen's prostate then, and Jensen jerked and swore, hand moving a little faster on his dick. Jared smiled smugly and stroked his fingers over that spot again.

"Lots of times?"

"Well, a few times." Jared ducked his head, mouth open to _talk_ again, Jesus Christ, and then he obviously thought better of it and leaned in to kiss Jensen instead.

"Much better use of your mouth," Jensen mumbled against Jared's lips, grinning at the bark of laughter from Jared, then teased at Jared's tongue with his own. He got lost in the kiss, the taste and feel of Jared's mouth on his, Jared's fingers moving ever more surely inside him, until Jared finally broke for air.

He was panting and flushed and so goddamn beautiful that Jensen was almost sure he was dreaming. "You ready, Jen? God, you feel so good."

Jensen nodded quickly. "Yeah, fuck me, Jay, m'ready." The words were barely out of his mouth when Jared was tugging his fingers free to grab a condom, and then _finally_ he was pushing inside, working himself in with short, steady thrusts until he bottomed out and stopped, gulping for air as Jensen adjusted. He was _huge_ ; Jensen felt too full, it was too much but he wanted more, wanted to feel Jared move. "C'mon," he gasped, "c'mon, Jay, move."

Jared moved, slow and easy at first until Jensen squeezed around him and growled, "Won't fucking break, fucking _fuck_ me, please," and then Jared finally let go, shoving into Jensen again and again as Jensen shoved back, their bodies working together in a fast and furious rhythm. "Oh, god, Jay, so good."

"Jensen," Jared mewled, voice breathless and desperate as they strained together. "So tight, you're just. Fuck, oh fucking god, Jen." He reached down to hitch Jensen's leg higher around his hip and Jensen reached up to tangle his hand in Jared's sweaty hair, pulling him down into an awkward kiss until Jared reached in to wrap his hand around Jensen's on his dick and stroke and Jensen broke, crying out into Jared's mouth as he shook and spilled between them. Jared stroked him through it and when Jensen was boneless and shaking, Jared wrapped his hands around Jensen's hips and fucked into him hard and fast, two, three, four times and then he shoved deep and howled.

Jared collapsed heavily on Jensen, lungs still heaving, his solid weight forcing the air out of Jensen's own lungs. "C'mon, Jay," he wheezed, "need to breathe, you monster."

"Whatever." Jared's voice was still breathless, but the smug satisfaction Jensen could hear made him grin. Jared rolled off and Jensen turned on his side, trying to hide the ridiculous expression on his face. God, he was pathetic. Jared didn't let him get too far, though - he wrapped one long arm around Jensen and tugged him back into the cradle of his big, sweaty body.

"Dude, you're gross."

"Oh, and you aren't? You just came all over yourself."

"And you still have a used condom on."

"God, you're picky." Jared heaved a long-suffering sigh, but pulled away, presumably to deal with the condom. He was back and wrapped around Jensen again within seconds, and was actually quiet long enough that Jensen was almost asleep when Jared whispered his name. Jared's breath teased over his ear, and Jensen shivered. "Jen, you awake?"

"Barely."

Jared's hand drifted slowly over Jensen's chest and moved up to curl over his shoulder, effectively pinning him in place. "You gonna tell me yet why you avoided me for ten years?"

Jensen froze. "Now? Seriously?"

"Why not?" Jared curled himself even closer and nosed at Jensen's ear. "I'm comfortable, and you aren't going anywhere."

"Don't be too sure about that," Jensen muttered, and Jared tightened his hold. Jensen sighed. "Fine. It's stupid as all hell, though."

Jared snorted out a soft laugh. "Somehow I'm not surprised. Just tell me, Jen. _Talk_ to me."

Jensen took a slow deep breath before he said quietly, "I thought you were married."

"What?" Jensen winced at the shrill surprise in Jared's voice, right in his ear, and felt Jared jerk in shock behind him. "Where the hell did you get that idea, Jen? And what made you think you'd ever get out of _being_ there when it happened? Seriously, dude, you would have been my best man."

"I just." Jensen sighed again and stared out into the darkness. "I wanted you for a long time, Jay. I didn't really realize how much, though, not until I got this fancy envelope in the mail with your address on the return label after you'd spent the summer with the girl your mom was sure was The One."

"Megan's invitation."

"Megan's invitation," Jensen agreed wryly. He tried to shrug one shoulder, but Jared's chin was in the way. "Anyway. I just, you know. Never been good at sharing, or not having what I want, and I wanted you, but I thought you were married. Can we stop talking about this now?"

Jared shook his head a little. "But Jen, wedding invitations come from the _girl's_ family. Mine wouldn't have had our address on it."

Jensen turned in Jared's grasp to look up at him. "Seriously? Wow, you really _are_ gay, aren't you?"

Jared grinned down at him, slow and carnal. "I thought my dick in your ass would have answered that question pretty thoroughly."

Rolling his eyes, Jensen turned away again, unable to completely stifle a smile of his own. "Whatever, maybe you were just curious."

"Definitely curious about you." Jared settled himself against Jensen again and sent his hand wandering, stopping to tease whenever Jensen's breath caught at a touch. They were silent again for awhile and then Jared sighed. "It took me a little longer."

"No kidding."

"Shut up, do you want to hear this or not?" Jared pinched Jensen's nipple a little harder than necessary, and Jensen gasped. "That summer with Sandy was a lot of fun. She was beautiful and smart and really clever - everything I should have wanted in a wife. I'd planned to ask her to marry me our last day at the beach. It's a little frightening how well Mom knows me," he added absently. "Anyway. I just couldn't bring myself to take that final step. There was something _missing_ , something off and I had no idea what. I nearly called you then, too." Jared laughed again softly. "But Megan surprised us and kept us all running around getting everything ready for her big day, and I thought, 'well, I'll just ask Jen when he comes to the wedding. He'll help me figure it out.' And then you didn't come."

Jensen didn't say anything, but he put his hand on Jared's and squeezed. Jared shifted his hand and tangled their fingers together. "You didn't come," he said again, "and I was devastated. And I couldn't quite figure out why. I mean, sure, I missed you. I always miss you. And I'd wanted to talk to you about Sandy. We were still dating then, but things had sort of, I don't know. Cooled down, I guess. We weren't _going_ anywhere. I couldn't ask her to marry me if I wasn't sure, and I couldn't be sure without talking to you, and so we were just sort of stagnating. She was getting impatient. I realized somewhere in there that I was more interested in your opinion than in hers." He huffed out a soft laugh, sounding a little embarrassed. "So we broke up. And I was much more upset that you weren't at Megan's wedding than that I'd broken up with the woman I'd thought I'd marry."

"Jeez, Jay." Jensen shook his head and tried not to be distracted by the warm _naked_ heat of Jared's big body pressed against his back. "That should have been a pretty big fucking clue right there."

"I know! Believe me, I know." Jared pulled away, and Jensen rolled over to see Jared flat on his back, one hand over his eyes. "I still didn't figure it out until the next summer. When you didn't come to the cabin." Jared shook his head, eyes still covered. "God. I think that was the worst summer ever. But I had a lot of time to think about things, and I sort of. You know. Realized that maybe I'd been kind of stupid."

"I could have told you that." Jensen smirked and Jared moved his hand enough to glare at Jensen from under his fingers. "It's okay, Jay," he said more quietly. "You thought you were straight. It probably took some getting used to."

Jared blew out a breath. "Yeah. A little bit." He still kept his hand over his eyes, though, until Jensen rolled and straddled him. Then both of those giant paws reached reflexively for Jensen's hips. "Jen?"

Jensen smiled and let his own hands wander over Jared's chest. "You said you've done this a few times, yeah? You ever done it like this?"

"N-no." Jared's eyes were huge, and Jensen could feel Jared's dick bump up into his ass as it began to harden again.

"Wanna ride you, Jay. You don't mind, right? You said you wanted me to this morning." Jensen's teeth flashed in a wicked grin. "You were talkin' big this morning for a boy who's only done this a few times."

Jared sat up, holding Jensen crushed to his chest with one big hand on his back. "Shut up," he muttered, blushing fiercely, and took Jensen's mouth in a rough kiss. Jensen cupped Jared's face in both hands and forced him to slow down, gentling the kiss by degrees until he was fucking Jared's mouth with his tongue in easy, languid thrusts and Jared was moaning almost continually. Jensen leaned forward, easing Jared back until he was lying flat again, then reluctantly broke the kiss. Jared made a disappointed sound in the back of his throat that quickly turned into a groan when Jensen began working his way down Jared's body, teasing with teeth and tongue until he reached Jared's cock. Jensen lapped at the head, dipping the tip of his tongue into the slit before swallowing him down, taking as much in as he could. He bobbed his head slowly, easing a little further down with each pass until the head hit the back of his throat and he swallowed around it, making Jared shake. Jared's hands tugged at his hair, but Jensen kept moving up and down, tongue working over the veins as best it could. " _Jen_."

Jensen finally eased off, using his hand to keep jacking Jared slowly. "What, Jay?" Jared was fucking gorgeous like this, strung out and incoherent - _finally_ not rambling, god - and dripping sweat, hips jerking up as Jensen stroked him.

" _Please_ , Jen, please, I need to, ngh. Fuck me. Ride me. Do _something_ , I'ma lose my fucking mind."

"Shh, s'okay, baby. God, you're somethin' else, gonna feel so good under me." Jensen tore a condom from the strip Jared had left next to the blankets and ripped the foil, slightly amazed to find his own hands shaking as he rolled it over Jared's dick. He straddled Jared again, carefully positioning himself before letting gravity help him sink all the way down.

They both sucked in air and Jensen braced his hands on Jared's chest, letting his hips start to rock in a slow easy motion. He kept it easy, too, for as long as he could, teasing them both until he wanted to scream, until Jared was moving mindlessly underneath him, until Jared broke and grabbed Jensen's hips hard enough to leave bruises. Jared lifted Jensen up and then slammed him back down, then again, forcing Jensen to move at _his_ pace with sheer brute force. Jensen had a sudden flash of Jared lifting him up, fucking him against a wall, and it sent a wave of heat through him that shoved him abruptly into orgasm.

Jared cried out and stiffened when Jensen came, the feel of him squeezing Jared's cock inside apparently too much as he followed Jensen over the edge. Jensen wasn't sure how long he sat there, arms braced on Jared's chest and impaled on his cock as they both trembled and fought to remember how to breathe, but eventually Jared eased him off and onto the blankets, pulling Jensen into his arms immediately and tangling their legs together. "Oh my god, Jen, I think you killed me."

Jensen yawned then smirked. "And again, you're still wearing a used condom. Seriously, Jay, I don't think this is a quirk I can learn to live with."

"Oh, for god's sake." Jared fumbled the condom off and wrapped himself around Jensen again. "Do you ever stop bitching?"

"Do you ever stop talking?" Jensen smiled faintly to himself. He couldn't believe how much he was actually looking forward to the endless rambling Jared was capable of. "Just figures I'd land myself a cuddler."

Jared snorted and curled himself even more tightly around Jensen. "Shut up, you love it."

Yeah, he kind of did. Jensen just relaxed bonelessly into Jared and went to sleep.

~*~*~*~

They didn't even have the chance to say a word the next morning - as soon as Mrs. P saw them walk into the kitchen together she actually squealed and grabbed them both in tight hugs. "It's about time! You two are seriously the most obtuse boys I have ever seen in my life."

"Good morning to you, too, Ma." Jared shot Jensen an embarrassed grin and dropped into a chair at the table. "Did you sleep well?"

"Don't have to ask if _you_ did, JT." Mrs. P sent Jensen a wink that had him blushing harder than he had thought physically possible. He dropped into the chair next to Jared and let his head bang on the table. Hard. Fingers too delicate to be Jared's brushed through his hair once, and then a plate of waffles settled on the table next to Jared. "Sit up and eat, honey, you'll need your strength to keep up with this boy of mine."

" _Mom_!" Jared's voice sounded just as embarrassed as Jensen felt, and Jensen fought an inappropriate snicker as he bounced his forehead on the hard wood again.

"Just kill me now, Jay."

"None of that, Jensen. Oh, Donna will be so _thrilled_! We all are! We've waited for you two to pull your heads out for long enough! Did you tell him about your new job, JT?"

That caught Jensen's attention, and he turned his head to see Jared brace his elbows on the table and bury his face in both hands. "New job, Jay?"

Jared eased his fingers apart and looked at Jensen from between them, then sighed, obviously bracing himself before dropping his hands and trying a smile that was a lot more nervous than happy. "Yeah, I. Well. I signed on with the Forest Service."

Jensen sat up and raised an eyebrow. "You're already with the Forest Service."

"No, the _Texas_ Forest Service. You know. In Austin. I'll be working with the college some, and I just." Jared's smile was shy and awkward like it hadn't been since that day when they were eight. "My office is only about a mile from yours."

A slow smile spread over Jensen's face, so wide it almost hurt. "Yeah?"

Jared's smile eased out of nervous into positively joyful. "Yeah. One way or the other, Jen, ten years was long enough."

Jensen nodded and grabbed Jared's hand in his own. It really was, _more_ than long enough. Looking at Jared smiling back at him like he was _everything_ , Jensen thought that maybe Josh and Jeff had done him a favor after all.

But they'd never hear that from him.


End file.
